The Worst-to-Best films directed by Ridley Scott

If there’s one British feature film director I admire the most, I would award this spot to who I site as the English Steven Spielberg, that is, Ridley Scott.

Ridley Scott turns 81 today. So in celebration to his birthday, I’ve decided to construct a list of what I consider to be the Worst To Best Films that he directed. So sit back and enjoy.

Number 13;…


Hannibal (2001)

It was blatantly easy for me to pick a worst film Ridley Scott directed. Not that he directs bad movies, but like many movies based on Hannibal The Cannibal, Hannibal without a doubt sucks and blows. It’s really no different to Manhunter or Silence Of The Lambs which is a shame, because Ridley Scott has often demonstrated originality amongst his other works. But Hannibal just centers on the famous cannibal who predictably does not consume enough human flesh. Okay there’s one scene where he eats a human’s brain. Meh. That could be anything’s brain. If he was eating a leg or a hand or something, I’d be invested. Or should I say ingested 😉

Number 12;…


1492: Conquest To America (1992)

Christopher Columbus’ famous voyage has always had an interest on me and 1492: Conquest To America is decent and much better than Hannibal. But this film would’ve been ranked higher had they not included too much of the poetic singer and all that gibberish it sings, I’m sorry. It really distracts us from the film. Enjoyable action scenes, but the music does take us out of the magic.

Number 11;…


American Gangster (2007)

Next, we have a gangster drama based on a true story about a limousine turned mobster whose mentor dies and as a result, the heroin distribution is in his hands. But things get ugly when he comes across a hard detective. American Gangster is quite simple and blends together an awesome cast; Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe, Cuba Gooding Jr, Idris Elba… It may not be as memorable as Ridley’s other projects, but I do have a soft spot for gangster movies.

Number 10;…

Body of Lies

Body Of Lies (2008)

Body Of Lies is a spy-thriller about a CIA officer named Roger Ferris who travels to Iraq whilst tracking down a terrorist, Al-Saleem. It’s one of Ridley’s most underrated films and I have to admit, before I saw this one, I was appealed by the fact that Ridley was the director. Of course, I also knew Leonardo DiCaprio was in the film and I despised Romeo + Juliet and Titanic. Body Of Lies is one of the films that has demonstrated how better Leo is now at both acting and choosing films to appear in. I say the same for the films he did with Martin Scorsese and Catch Me If You Can. Most memorable moments; when Roger purchases a BMW and refers to it as a ‘pile of s**t’, oh and the interrogation scene where he gets his fingers hammered.

Number 9;…


Black Rain (1989)

Black Rain contains fantastic graphics and distinctive sound effects. Of course I remember watching this film on Blu-Ray at a friend’s house. I don’t have blu-ray myself, but I have the impression that the blu-ray had an effect on the graphics. Action films are always a lot of fun. Most of them anyway.

Number 8;…


Black Hawk Down (2001)

Made the same year when Al Qaeda killed the twin towers and set several years before then, Black Hawk Down takes place in 1993 during the Somali Civil War. I’m so into war movies. The cinematography’s quite similar to Saving Private Ryan (Tom Sizemore aka Horvath is also in this one) and the lighting’s also great. My main nitpick is the use of the poetic singer, though unlike 1492, it doesn’t take us much out of the magic. Apparently, the film received harsh criticism from military officials. One thing I will say, I take this film any day over Pearl Harbor.

Number 7;…


Prometheus (2012)

Apparently, Prometheus was meant to be the fifth instalment to the Alien franchise. But of course some cross-over with the Predator films came first, which I’ve yet to see, but I bet it’s gonna be lame compared to this film. Many viewers/critics consider Prometheus as a weak contribution to the franchise. It may not be as memorable as Alien and it does contain a similar-ish storyline, but it still kinda holds up.

Number 6;…


Gladiator (2000)

I know some of you may call this film overrated, but I have a guilty pleasure for Gladiator. Okay we’ve got the poetic singer (geez Ridley, what is it with you and poetic singers) but I think it contains a cool story-line.

Gladiator is about a Roman gladiator named Maximus Decimus Meridius who is betrayed by Commodus when the emperor makes Maximus the second-in-line. Commodus kills his dad and Maximus’ wife and son and Maximus wants to avenge the murder of his family. He takes part in a few fighting tournaments, which lead to the thrilling finale where he and Commodus engage in a final duel.

The special effects make up for the film; I had always thought first time round that the arena was actually real. Cast, great; Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix, the lates Richard Harris and Oliver Reed, oh and did I mention there’s a cameo from Omid Djalili?

Number 5;…


Matchstick Men (2003)

Matchstick Men is an underrated crime comedy starring Nicolas Cage as Roy Waller, a con artist who suffers from Tourette’s and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Sam Rockwell as his crime partner Frank Mercer, and Alison Lohman, as his apparent daughter, Angela.

The film is very amusing and witty. Roy, especially, adds to the humour; near the start, he’s cheering over an assignment he’s been offered, when he ends up making an idiot of himself in the chemist and when he attempts to make use of his parenting skills with Angela. For instance, Angela returns to his place late at night and Roy, being busy with his assignments, is awkwardly like; “Where the hell were you?!” And I love the breakfast scene where Angela helps herself to ice cream. Further on, Angela becomes really interested in Roy’s crimes. Higher points!

Number 4;…


Robin Hood (2010)

I am a massive fan of the Robin Hood series. This quite unusually darker and rougher version is my all-time second favourite out of every Robin Hood film I’ve seen (the first being the Disney version).

Now here’s a fun fact. Apparently, Ridley was not a fan of previous film versions of the legend, aside from Mel Brooks’ Robin Hood: Men In Tights. So I guess it’s no surprise that he explored a different side of Robin himself and how he imagined Robin’s origin and what he’d really be like. Kinda like, “did they really think Robin’s life-story is that light-hearted?” and so forth. Robin Hood is kind of like Robin Hood meets Batman Begins, which I think is really interesting. Even the action sequences are cool to watch. The flying arrows during the attack on the castle reminds me a bit of the beach scene in Saving Private Ryan. It’s very visual and very energetic.

If I had to nit-pick, it’d be to do with the fact that Russell Crowe speaks in a bajillion accents. One point, he’s speaking Yorkshire, then cockney, then… Australian, but what did you expect from Dick Van Dyke’s portrayal as Mary Poppins’ best friend?

Number 3;…


Blade Runner (1982)

Although it didn’t exactly generate the money it needed first time around, Blade Runner has gradually generated fan base since then and I’m one of them fans.

The first time I saw Blade Runner was when they showed it at my school. I was studying my A-Level in Film Studies. At first, I’d forgotten about what happened in it afterwards, but then I purchased it on VHS at some record fair and I liked it much better. I love the sets and the music. I also think this is a splendid storyline, with a sort-of anti-racial moral.

Blade Runner is about a detective, played by Harrison Ford, who has to deal with a replicant; a sort of robot that appears to be a replica of a human. His police force is a bit discriminative against replicants, but the detective has a relationship with one at some point.

At one point, Blade Runner was the subject of discussion during one lecture I had and we mentioned gadgets and lifespan. This appears to be an important theme later in the film. I’d definitely recommend Blade Runner. Unfortunately I don’t know which cut you should go for, but it goes to show that just because a film flops, doesn’t mean it sucks.

Number 2;…

Alien Movie

Alien (1979)

Jaws in Space, as Alien is sometimes described, which I find to be totally justifiable. I mean think about it; Alien’s about a space crew who are terrorised on their spaceship by, you guessed it, an alien and they have to get rid of it before it makes things much worse.

Alien has so many great things; a relatively small cast of awesome characters, almost just the one setting, i.e. the spaceship, and oh yes, a fantastic thrilling storyline with great themes. And speaking of themes, let’s dive in!

The crew in question are working for some unnamed company which appears to be bureaucratic and rather capitalist. It begins with a couple of the crew members, Brett being one of them, making a fuss about the low salary they’re receiving. Later, as they land on the planet where the title creature is, Kane looks around and gets attacked by the alien. Afterwards as it comes out of Kane’s stomach killing him, so begins the attack on more of the crew members one by one. As it turns out, the company had wanted the alien to be taken back to Earth and neither of the crew was informed first time round.

But what really stands out about Alien is the faulty ship’s computer which fails to help Ripley whilst she and the cat are trying to escape – “detonation will begin in five minutes and counting”, “You bitch!”, and so forth.

And the number 1 film directed by Ridley Scott is…


Thelma & Louise (1991)

And Thunderbirds are go! Oh my god, Thelma & Louise so holds up awesomely. Not only is this my favourite Ridley Scott film, but one of my favourites period.

Thelma and Louise in question are two ladies who plan a vacation to get away from their obnoxious male partners. But problems occur when they kill an abusive racist and are forced to flee their part of the country, otherwise they face harsh charges from the cops. And so begins a long, action-packed road trip nobody will ever forget.

Thelma & Louise was deservedly nominated for five Oscars, winning Best Original Screenplay, but it’s too bad that it lost Best Director and Best Actress (both the ladies got a nomination each) went to one of the dumbest horror movies in history. I still laugh at that to this day. It’s been long debated whether the film is a feminist or anti-feminist movie. I would say it’s feminist. At first, the two ladies are represented as having a rather short life, thanks to Thelma’s husband Darryl and Louise’s boyfriend Jimmy who seem to dominate their lives. They have skills in catering, which is especially unlike Darryl. No wonder he’s eating a takeaway pizza after his wife’s disappearance.

Throughout their trip, Thelma & Louise come across a guy named Harlan who appears friendly at first, but then attempts forced sex on Thelma only to be shot by Louise. Then they encounter an obnoxious sex mad truck driver, who they soon teach a lesson by destroying his vehicle. Even JD, played by Brad Pitt, who again appears nice. Only this time, he doesn’t rape them, but still takes advantage of them by stealing their money.

The traditional gender values gradually lower as the film progresses, hence Louise’s killing of Harlan, Thelma robbing a shop, their destruction of the truck driver’s truck and oh yes, when they lock a male cop in the trunk of his car. Although some of their acts are considered crimes and they put themselves in danger with the law, we the viewers can believe that the acts are justifiable.

This leads to one of my favourite endings to a film ever. I won’t give away details, but once you watch Thelma & Louise, you won’t regret it.

So that was my personal list of Worst To Best Films Directed By Ridley Scott. Thank you for reading and feel free to leave your comments below.

Happy birthday Ridley.

The Worst-To-Best Movies produced by Disney Animation Studios [updated]

When I first wrote Worst-To-Best Movies produced by Disney Animation Studios, it was in honour of a Disney Legend who had passed on at the time. However, since that time, newer films came out and I did catch up on some of the films I had not seen yet. Because there are hundreds of films that Disney has produced, I have separate lists for the live-action films and the Pixar ones.

Disney is one of those film companies that has left a huge impact on many people for many years. Each time most film viewers remember their childhood, Disney becomes one of the most likely things to pop into our heads.

Anyway, starting with the worst, here is what I regard as the Worst to Best Walt Disney Animation Studios’ feature films. I say this from both a viewer’s and critic’s perspective;


  1. The Many Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh (1977)

Runtime: 74 minutes

I begin this list with the CBeebies of Disney which belongs to one of the most overrated franchises ever. I only saw The Many Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh once; most of it’s forgettable, apart from all the pooey elements that have come flooding back; It’s pointless; it’s made from three short films which we’ve all seen before the film was even released; no proper synopsis!

And to top it all, a completely yucky soundtrack that you’ll die to excrete out of your mind. No offence to the Sherman Brothers, but you wrote way better songs for Mary Poppins, The Jungle Book, The Sword In The Stone and so forth. Nothing stands out about The Many Adventures of Winnie The Pooh. It’s like, “Winnie the what?!”

There I said it. Next!

  1. Bolt (2008)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Budget: $150,000,000

Domestic Box Office: $114,053,579

Worldwide Box Office: $309,979,994

I think John Travolta’s a cool actor. But this is his most boring performance compared to Pulp Fiction, Saturday Night Fever and/or Grease (even though that film’s pretty overrated). It’s not that he screwed up his acting, but it’s just not interesting to relate to.

Bolt is just, as Doug Walker might say, being cutesy for the sake of being cutesy. Plus, I wish that cat got run over or something. Maybe I’m being harsh, but she’s almost as annoying as Blanky out of The Brave Little Toaster! If she was a dog, I’d say she’s a total b***h! Bolt is another film you can definitely skip.

  1. Chicken Little (2005)

Runtime: 81 minutes

Budget: $150million

Domestic Box Office: $135,386,665

Worldwide Box Office: $314,432,837

When I first heard of Chicken Little, a friend of mine told me that he had seen it and showed me a picture of the title character; a miniscule youth chicken with a striped green t-shirt and glasses. Uh, okay… He seemed to have enjoyed it and it was a box office success. In fact, most other viewers have hated it over the years. It does go to show that just because a film has become a block-buster, doesn’t make it popular and/or even a good film. Chicken Little does demonstrate so.

Now I have to admit, Chicken Little didn’t appeal to me when it first came out. I thought it had a name as dumb as Kung-Fu Panda. That being said, I’d take Kung-Fu Panda any day over this film. Reason 1; when I did finally watch it, I felt sick looking at the animation. Yes, it was one of Disney’s early efforts at a CGI cartoon without Pixar’s help, but if I know Pixar, they wouldn’t produce something that looks like the SFX artists have been screwing around with the shades and highlights on the characters and props, etc. And look at them vehicles. At least the cars in… Cars was more carefully detailed! Reason 2; I have to agree with Doug Walker’s point on how sadistic the characters are, especially Chicken’s dad.

Best move on to the next film before I nervously break down.

  1. Fun & Fancy Free (1947)

Runtime: 73 minutes

Worldwide Box Office: 2.4 million

I bet you readers had a feeling I would include one of the 1940s package films near the bottom of this list. Well, I guess it’s no surprise, since most of them are pretty, you guessed it, forgettable. I usually want to see a movie with one structured storyline, and I don’t think the two sub-stories of Fun & Fancy Free crammed in one film work.

The bear’s plot is thin and predictable and easily wrecked by a narrator who won’t shut up! Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy’s take on Jack & The Beanstalk is a bit of an improvement; the sharing food bit is understandable, plus that song which is to the tune of that lovely Italian anthem. But yet again, it’s ruined by a few disgusting elements; the giant does not have much of a personality for a villain.

Even the live-action sequence is pointless; those puppets are obnoxious. God knows what Gerry Anderson thought of them! I feel like I want to pop their heads off! It’s lovely to see Mickey, Donald, Goofy and Jiminy Cricket (did I mention Jiminy?) in one feature. Too bad they had to be so crammed up in this one.

  1. Home On The Range (2004)

Runtime: 76 minutes

Budget: $110million

Domestic Box Office: $50,030,461

Worldwide Box Office: $103,951,461

Home, Home, Home On The Range, as the theme tune goes. That being said, it’s the only song from what was at the time meant to be Disney’s final 2D animated film (until Princess & The Frog of course), that I can remember. We’ll get to the soundtrack in a bit.

I give Home On The Range credit for its all-star cast including Judi ‘M’ Dench, Steve ‘Mr. Pink’ Buscemi and that guy who played Renko in Hill Street Blues, and how well-detailed the train is. However, them elements ain’t much to save the film from being less mediocre. The storyline’s pretty simple, but I doubt many viewers will remember much about it.

Also, Alan Menken wrote such great soundtracks i.e. The Hunchback Of Notre Dame and Beauty & The Beast. The soundtrack to this film is nearly as bad as when the Sherman Brothers wasted their talents on  that Winnie The Pooh film! Before I move on to the next movie, let me just say that the Home On The Range is lazily animated compared to the last few films released before then.

  1. Pocahontas (1995)

Runtime: 81 minutes

Budget: $55million

Domestic Box Office: $141,600,000

Worldwide Box Office: $346,079,773

A Disney movie based on a true story? Sounds like a promising idea. But then, Pocahontas turns out to be a snore-through love story. It’s not the certain historical inaccuracies that are involved. The title character and John Smith are so boring! And how many songs can you remember? Well, I can mostly remember two of them; Savages, the best one(!), Colors Of The Wind, which is fine, not exactly When You Wish Upon A Star, but aside from that, not much of a musical. I give Pocahontas credit for its different animation techniques. But even my brother remembers the boredom we experienced from this film, well apart from the scenes with the raccoon and the dog. It’s not the worst (see above), but definitely the weakest from the Disney Renaissance.

  1. The Three Caballeros (1945)

Runtime: 72 minutes

Worldwide Box Office: $700,000

The apparent sequel to Saludos Amigos. The thought of Donald Duck viewing movies really blends the various stories together, but again, apart from the dance sequence by Donald and what’s-their-faces, I can’t remember much about this movie. In fact, there’s also the narrator with a large yap from the first half who constantly rabbits on and on and on about random rubbish.

Oh Donald. You’re one of the coolest cartoon characters I’ve ever seen on-screen. If only the producers would cast you in more decent movies. He did get his chance eventually, but we’ll get to that later.

  1. Dinosaur (2000)

Runtime: 82 mins

Budget: $127.5million

Domestic Box Office: $137,748,063

Worldwide Box Office: $354,248,063

This was Disney’s first CG animated feature to need not Pixar’s help, and boy was it a snore-fest. I praise the film for its effort-fully detailed constructions for the dinosaurs; similar-ish to Jurassic Park and Walking With Dinosaurs, but do they really have to talk? It’s like they tried too hard to be The Land Before Time. If you want to make this more interesting, look at the Rite Of Spring sequence in Fantasia. Tell the dinosaurs to shut their big fat gobs! And give them more personality!

  1. Winnie The Pooh (2011)

Runtime: 63 mins

Budget: $30million

Domestic Box Office: $26,692,846

Worldwide Box Office: $50.1million

You may obviously be able to tell how much I dislike The Many Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh. Therefore since its release, I was extremely doubtful about the second theatrical film, Winnie The Pooh. After one screening, Winnie The Pooh was a little better than I thought. I certainly like it better than the other one for a variety of reasons. The animation, the soundtrack, these ain’t brilliant, but I’d take those any day over Many Adventures Of. No offense Rob & Rich.

The trouble with Winnie The Pooh is that it’s a tad predictable and a bit short and I doubt that I shall remember much from the film sometime later.

With that said; John Cleese’s narration and the fourth-wall elements, sweet!

  1. Saludos Amigos (1942)

Runtime: 42 minutes

Is it really a feature? 18 minutes shorter? Either way, that’s not important right now. I don’t mind watching a film set during a vacation, but Saludos Amigos is too much like a holiday promotion than a film. This is something you expect to see as a commercial.

Some of the shorts are decent and provide a strong South American connection between each other. Aquarela do Brasil is visually stunning. Lake Titicaca is quite amusing. El Gaucho Goofy is okay. Pedro, however, I hate that one – this section of the film weighs the whole thing down, thanks to that big gobbed narrator.

If it’s a choice between Saludos Amigos or The Three Caballeros, I’d go for Saludos Amigos. Just get ready to fast forward.

  1. Wreck-It-Ralph (2012)

Runtime: 101 minutes

Budget: $165,000,000

Domestic Box Office: $189,422,889

Worldwide Box Office: $471,222,889

I saw Wreck-It-Ralph once. The only reason was because some of my mates saw it at the pictures. I didn’t, because I felt the film would be as stupid as Happy Feet. The film just turned out to be okay. I’d give Wreck-It-Ralph credit for its video game like graphics and the cameos from M. Bison, Sonic The Hedgehog, Pacman, etc, but I feel that the dialogue and acting together needed a bit of work. Plus, Ralph’s sidekick feels like slime through ear-to-ear, with Sonic trapped inside and zooming round my head a zillion times so much, I want to vomit.

There I said it; not exactly Citizen Kane or even The Matrix. Apart from the graphics, character design and bits of the race, I don’t even remember much about Wreck-It-Ralph.

  1. Cinderella (1950)

Runtime: 72 minutes

Budget: $2.9million

Domestic Box Office: $7,800,000 (original release), $85million (total)

Worldwide Box Office: $263.6 million (total)

As a kid, I had Cinderella on video. It’s ironic, because this is a girl’s movie. I like to think my parents bought the video, so me and my brother could check out the women, ya know, early flirting. I enjoyed some of the animal bits, the king trying to kill the Duke and the songs, especially Sing Sweet Nightingale, that really cracked me up! Lady Tremaine’s okay for a villain and even the animation is scaled!

But aside from that, I think the film’s overrated. It’s not that it’s anti-feminist (I’ll leave it to you guys to decide whether it is anti-feminist), but here’s what brings this movie down; the prince and princess are both as boring as hell! The prince, especially, does not have much of a personality. The occasional bitching from Drizella and Anastasia can get annoying; it’s almost like watching a cartoon version of All About Eve (oh God!). If you’re familiar with the original story, you’ll know what’s going to happen in the film. It’s rather predictable.

Mom, Dad, if you’re reading this, I am grateful that you introduced us to the film. I’m glad I watched it. But I just have my own personal issues.

  1. Frozen

Runtime: 102 minutes

Budget: $150million

Domestic Box Office: $400,700,000

Worldwide Box Office: $1,274,000,000

Yes, the one everybody seems to be going on about. I know it’s grossed so much money and received so much critical acclaim. I do admit the locations contain a lovely atmosphere and I do admire the relationship between the two sisters. But much like Cinderella, it’s, let’s face it, rather overrated.

Some of the film’s forgettable and speaking as a laddish lad, Frozen ain’t exactly what I would choose for constant viewing. Plus, the main song ricochets from my personal music tastes. I didn’t watch Frozen in cinemas. Frankly what looked like a film with a Barbie doll living in an Arctic location had no appeal to me, but so many people got obsessed with it, even the kids (so what’s new?), I gave in and watched it on Putlocker, and it was just okay. Take it for what’s it worth, not one of my personal faves.

  1. Meet The Robinsons (2007)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Budget: $150million

Domestic Box Office: $97,822,171

Worldwide Box Office: $169,333,034

My praise goes to the design of the setting, plus the awesome looking time machine which is a bit like that car from Back To The Future. I most certainly like Meet The Robinsons better than the other two CG films it was sandwiched between. My main criticism is that some scenes do drag. I’m in favour of nerd culture in films, but on a scale of one to ten, I’d rank Meet The Robinsons as five.

  1. Bambi (1942)

Runtime: 70 minutes

Budget: $1,700,000

Domestic Box Office: $1,640,000 (original release), $102,797,150 (total)

Worldwide Box Office: $3,449,353 (original release), $267,997,843 (total)

You’re probably going to hate me for placing a ‘classic’ film i.e. Bambi so low. To be honest, this is yet another film I find a tad overrated. There’s a lot of cutesiness that drags a bit too much.

Plus I couldn’t cry much at the famous death scene; I won’t give too much detail, because many of us know the scene by now. Why couldn’t I cry? Because this scene is too rushed! Instead of giving us a chance to mourn the victim, it goes straight into “Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows”, also known as the beginning of what I like to call the maturity scene. It’s not as emotional as the first scene in The Fox & The Hound or the post-wildebeest stampede in The Lion King.

I guess you think I hate this movie. Well, no. I like the music and I like the bit where Bambi fights with another deer and Thumper’s okay. I just don’t think it’s that strong. Actually, more points for one of the birds getting shot!

  1. The Adventures Of Ichabod & Mr Toad (1949)

Runtime: 68 minutes

The title of the film makes it sound like Toad and Ichabod are buddies in a road movie. But not so. It’s two separate stories, each based on literature, that don’t gel up together. They’re totally different stories. The first is basically Wind In The Willows, which is sadly predictable, if you’re familiar with the original story. You know Toad’s going to suffer an addiction to motor vehicles, and that he gets charged and escapes from jail and confronts Chief Weasel. Though I like how the characters are drawn to scale, I think the BBC version (the one with Matt Lucas, Mark Gatiss and Bob Hoskins) was better.

As for the Legend Of Sleepy Hollow, the next one, it’s a rather clichéd love story. The highlight; the Headless Horseman’s scene, that is awesome! But many other scenes drag. So what is the connection between the Wind In The Willows and the Legend Of Sleepy Hollow? Please for the love of God explain!

  1. Big Hero 6 (2014)

Runtime: 102 minutes

Budget: $165million

Domestic Box Office: $222,527,828

Worldwide Box Office: $657,827,828

Big Hero 6 pays homage to the superhero movies that was constantly coming out of the period it was released it. Believe it or not, we’re still in the period, plus it was around the time when Disney purchased Marvel Films. Baymax is a cool creation. I’m sure there was other robots designed to heal, but I can’t think of any other inflatable ones.

But of course, Big Hero 6 is a sort-of typical superhero movie and I have to be honest, my admiration for superhero movies has lowered over some period of time. I don’t hate them (I do love Watchmen and the Bryan Singer version of X-Men), but many of them seem to lack much originality and they’re so obsessive, plus I’ve seen The Incredible Hulk’s transformation too many times. This is one of the reasons why I dodged Batman Vs Superman, which I ain’t ashamed to admit.

  1. Make Mine Music (1946)

Runtime: 76 minutes

Worldwide Box Office: $2.25 million

A bit like Fantasia, but not as strong. For starters, Fantasia’s shorts were based on instrumental classical music, but Make Mine Music’s segments follow popular songs, with rather distracting lyrics. The Martins and The Coys, pretty corny. Blue Bayou, pretty cool. All The Cats Join In, so-so. Without You, a bit boring. Casey At The Bat, so obnoxious. Two Silhouettes, awesome! Peter And The Wolf, lose the narrator, I don’t care if it’s the same guy who voiced the Cheshire Cat and Kaa. After You’ve Gone, creatively badass! Johnnie Fedora and Alice Blue Bonnet, not brilliant. The Whale Who Wanted to Sing at the Met, what! Monstro should’ve been that whale.

Compared to Fantasia and despite certain decent segments, Make Mine Music is not a very balanced film.

  1. Lilo & Stitch (2002)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Budget: $80million

Domestic Box Office: $145,794,338

Worldwide Box Office: $273,144,151

I watched Lilo & Stitch several times since it came out. My neighbours liked it, some of my friends liked it. The synopsis works quite well, but it’s the ending that goes downhill. I reckon the villain should’ve been re-developed. She’s too tolerant of Lilo’s ownership to the alien, but that’s a personal nit-pick.

I love the soundtrack, I do love the character of Stitch, I especially love Cobra (I’m not gay for him); he has both a sympathetic side and a don’t-f***-with-me persona, simultaneously. I admire the relationship between the two sisters, but if there are certain characters that I find corny, it’s the two obnoxious aliens who attempt to hunt Stitch down, but especially them schoolgirls who are so unfair to Lilo. Somebody give me a lawnmower, so I can run over them little brats!

Lilo & Stitch marks a cool contribution to society, but it could’ve done with a few more development tweaks.

  1. The Princess & The Frog (2009)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Budget: $105million

Domestic Box Office: $104,400,899

Worldwide Box Office: $267,045,765

Disney originally planned to permanently give up on 2D animation. However after three CG cartoons, including the toxic Bolt, and thanks to John Lasseter, they changed their minds and along came The Princess & The Frog.

While I enjoyed the jazz, the Witch Doctor and the rest of the atmosphere, I have to admit there are certain parts that bring this film down. First, the blond bimbo is so obnoxious, I can’t stand her. Second, it is based on the famous Frog Prince related fairy tale and it has that over clinched kiss-her-and-the-spell’s-broken plot hole. Randy Newman’s okay, but the songs are way better than the ones in James & The Giant Peach (eugh!).

  1. Tarzan (1999)

Runtime: 88 minutes

Budget: $130million

Domestic Box Office: $171,091,819

Worldwide Box Office: $448,191,819

Tarzan is a movie that I would personally place in the ‘okay’ category. I wouldn’t say it’s as brilliant as Pinocchio or The Hunchback of Notre Dame, but I think it definitely beats Bambi and Cinderella.

You got the protagonist whose parents are killed by a leopard. This is ironic, because I would’ve liked to see more of the leopard and I often debate with myself whether he or Clayton should be the main villain. Yes, Clayton wants to wipe out the jungle’s population, which is a good set-up, but the leopard’s the one that orphaned Tarzan in the first place.

The cast is impressive, there’s Brian Blessed, the actor of Richard IV in BlackAdder, who voices Clayton, Wayne “Dennis Nedry” Knight, who voices the elephant and who can forget the lovely Rosie “Betty Rubble” O’Donnell as Terk. Kerchak, especially, is a smashing character. The other characters are okay. Phil Collins’ songs are okay, but some of them I feel are positioned in not the best times for a song. The climax is cool, but I still feel like the film’s missing something. Yes, you guessed it, the leopard. Shouldn’t there be a scene where the leopard has a final confrontation with Tarzan or something?

  1. Hercules (1997)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Budget: $85million

Domestic Box Office: $99,112,101

Worldwide Box Office: $252,712,101

Hercules reminds me of Superman, but on the dark side, it also reminds me of that overly corny Frank Oz version of the Little Shop Of Horrors. Why Superman? The character of Hercules obtains brute strength and gets separated from his ‘god’-parents at birth. He also has a Lois Lane-type girlfriend.

The villain, Hades, is wacky and eccentric. James Woods pulls it off.  Danny DeVito does a great job, also, as Phil, the mentor. The fight with the hydra is badass.

But Hercules would’ve made it near the top, if it wasn’t for those gospel singers who won’t zip it with the narration. This is where some of the irritating elements from Little Shop Of Horrors flood back. Plus, I wish Ron Clements and John Muskers allowed more time for improvement on the special effects. Hercules himself is a bit of a sleaze-bag. I personally like the video game better. I would recommend you have a go at the game.

  1. Brother Bear (2003)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Budget: $128million

Domestic Box Office: $85,336,277

Worldwide Box Office: $250,397,798

Phil Collins is back! When I first heard of Brother Bear, I was appealed to avoid the film. The title made it sound too cute and cuddly, as if it’s for very young children. But actually, the older viewers can enjoy it too.

The film’s quite unique for a Disney flick. There’s no real villain, the antagonist is a basic misunderstanding among the brothers. One of them dies, another kills a bear for vengeance, but then turns into a bear and the third tries to kill him, not knowing it’s really him, because he also wants vengeance. This is one such film that I bet Trey Parker & Matt Stone wish they made. It’s not as panto as many of the other fairy tales, though there is this hilarious comic relief from the two mooses (one voiced by Rick Moranis). That’s common in pantomimes.

Brother Bear is brilliant for a unique storyline. Though the Phil Collins songs are positioned in the wrong scenes at times, especially where Koda discovers what happened to his mom. And sometimes, Koda can be so annoying. By the way, dodge the deleted scenes if you ever get Brother Bear on DVD.

  1. Moana (2016)

Runtime: 107 minutes

Budget: $150million

Domestic Box Office: $248,757,044

Worldwide Box Office: $643,031,115

And here we have Disney’s latest animated feature, Moana. I’m probably one of few people who likes this one better than Frozen. Much like Frozen, awesome backgrounds and I am impressed with how the sea interacts with Moana. But in my opinion, it contains a much better soundtrack and more memorable characters. Unfortunately, we do come across the Chosen One cliché which has been done to death.

  1. Lady & The Tramp (1955)

Runtime: 75 minutes

Budget: $4million

Domestic Box Office: $7.5million (original release), $93,602,326 (total)

Not only is Lady & The Tramp about two dogs falling in love, but it’s also about an interaction between two classes. Lady; upper class, Tramp; working class. I’m not a romantic film bluff, but this is definitely much less clichéd compared to, say, When Harry Met Sally. And do I need to even mention the forever lovely spaghetti scene.

  1. Snow White & The Seven Dwarves (1937)

Runtime: 83 minutes

Budget: $1,488,423

Domestic Box Office: $3.5million (original release), $184.9million (total)

Worldwide Box Office: $7,846,000 (original release), $418.2million (total)

Another film which you’re probably wondering why it’s positioned so low. Look, I know Snow White & The Seven Dwarves was the first ever feature to be produced by Disney and it deserves credit for that. But that doesn’t mean it has to go more steps beyond, does it.

Okay, enough of my moaning. The best characters are the dwarves. They got personality! Grumpy is the best! I’m not just saying that. He’s the most unique of all his associates. His name clarifies his persona, but deep down, he does have a heart for Snow White. The prince is too much like Cinderella’s prince Charming. The Queen is not very interesting; that is until she drinks that potion and…. you know the rest.

  1. The Little Mermaid (1989)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Budget: $40million

Domestic Box Office: $84,355,863 (original release), $111,543,479 (total)

Worldwide Box Office: $211,343,479 (total)

And so began the Disney Renaissance, and the first of Disney’s ‘fairy-tales’ since Sleeping Beauty. Despite Ariel’s occasional whining and the clichéd kiss-to-break-the-spell goal, Prince Eric is much better than the other Disney princes I mentioned. In fact, he and Ariel remind me of Troy Tempest and Marina from Stingray.

The watery effects are cool, and the songs are terrific! Well, some can be cheesy, but stuff like Under The Sea certainly gets us into the groove. The Little Mermaid is a sort-of liberal movie, which proves a pleasant viewing experience.

  1. Tangled (2010)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Budget: $260million

Domestic Box Office: $200,821,936

Worldwide Box Office: $591,794,936

Tangled is another modern Disney fairy-tale I prefer to Frozen. It’s based on the story of Rapunzel and involves an old lady who kidnaps a young princess whose hair has the power to provide youthful spirits. The background animation is also epic and there’s a really interesting plot which has made me wonder why blokes debate who’s more attractive; blondes or brunettes. Frankly my dears, I of course never gave a damn about hair colours.

If I had to be nit-picky, I’d say how rather distracting the celebrity voices are. Plus, Alan Menken is a great composer, but I find the songs on Tangled too much of a pop sensation, if I’m using the right terms.

  1. One Hundred & One Dalmatians (1960)

Runtime: 79 minutes

Budget: $3.6million

Domestic Box Office: $14million (original release), $144.9million (total)

Worldwide Box Office: $215,880,212 (total)

One Hundred & One Dalmatians deserves credit for introducing the new animation technique that is Xerography. It’s very sketchy, it’s very urban, it’s very jazzy, nice connection. Cruella DeVil is an awesomely designed and developed villain. I’ve only seen this film a few times. First time, so long ago. Second, better than I remember it. My favourite elements of this movie; Cruella DeVil and her henchmen.

  1. Zootopia (2016)

Runtime: 108 minutes

Budget: $150million

Domestic Box Office: $341.3million

Worldwide Box Office: $1,023.8million

Zootopia contains an impressive cast of animal characters, too many species to name. It’s indeed the third Disney Animated Feature to feature an entire cast of anthropomorphic animals with no people whatsoever (the first two being Robin Hood and Chicken Little). The voice cast, also impressive; Idris Elba, Bonnie Hunt, Shakira and Rhino from Gladiators.

The highlight; the slow-talking sloths.

  1. Fantasia 2000 (1999)

Runtime: 75 minutes

Budget: $80million

Domestic Box Office: $60,655,420

Worldwide Box Office: $90,874,570

At last, Donald Duck has been cast in a proper film for a change! Well, there’s another one yet to come. Poor Goofy though (but I would recommend A Goofy Movie). The sequel to the classic Fantasia may not beat the first one, but Fantasia 2000 has plenty of tasty ingredients the viewers can consume.

My favourite sequences are Rhapsody In Blue and Firebird Suite. Speaking of Donald, he and Daisy get a part in Pomp & Circumstance/Noah’s Ark; it’s decent, but the music sounds a tad too much like the animals are graduating and the ark is the college. The worst one is The Carnival of The Animals; it’s not the music, but giving a flamingo a yo-yo? That sounds ridiculous.

I do wish Fantasia 2000 was more original. At times, the celebrities keep dwelling on the first film, which is not a very good taste. Also, why repeat the Sorcerer’s Apprentice? Repeating material is not very unique for a sequel. And please, somebody fast-forward the celebrities.

  1. Melody Time (1948)

Runtime: 75 minutes

Worldwide Box Office: $1.8million

I did say Donald Duck was in another film and here it is, Melody Time. The apparent sequel to Make Mine Music, but made hundreds of times better. It’s also how Fantasia 2000 should’ve been constructed. Completely different segments and it’s perfectly balanced.

Once Upon A Wintertime, nice. Bumble Boogie, the best one! The Legend Of Johnny Appleseed, also awesome. Little Toot, hate it. Trees, much better. Blame It On The Samba, that’s the one with Donald Duck in it and it’s good. Pecos Bill, not as brilliant as the other segments. I personally think the film should’ve ended with The Legend Of Johnny Appleseed.

  1. Treasure Planet (2002)

Runtime: 95 minutes

Budget: $140million

Domestic Box Office: $38,176,783

Worldwide Box Office: $109,578,115

Treasure Planet is a science-fictional version of the classic Robert Stevenson novel, Treasure Island. Of course, there are a million film versions, including that dreadful Filmation cartoon. But thankfully, Treasure Planet does not follow the book too much. Its choreography is much cleaner and gee, look at that ship man!

  1. Oliver & Company (1988)

Runtime: 73 mins

Budget: $31million

Domestic Box office: $53.3million (original release), $74.2million (1996 re-release)

Okay, the Little Mermaid started a new era of blockbusters, but that wouldn’t have occurred if it wasn’t for Oliver & Company, Disney’s pilot feature for the Disney Renaissance. Oliver & Company saved Disney’s ass from near bankruptcy.

I said before that Treasure Planet would outsmart Filmation’s Treasure Island and that Lady & The Tramp outsmarts,… romantic comedies. Oliver & Company is loosely based on Olivier Twist, the musical. Duh! It doesn’t just follow the typical Oliver Twist story, it jazzes it up really well; different songs, different setting, you still got the same characters, only Oliver is a cat, Dodger is a dog, Sykes is the leader of a local Mafia. Effortlessly original! This is exactly what the audience wants. The pop and piano rock songs are incredibly bouncy, thanks to the voice talents of Billy Joel, Bette Midler and then future hip-hop star Joey Lawrence. Of course he does not sing in this film, but a new era was just beginning.

  1. Aladdin (1992)

Runtime: 90 minutes

Budget: $28million

Domestic Box Office: $217,350,219

Worldwide Box Office: $504,050,219

Jasmine kicks butt! The Genie is a real character! Jafar is… well designed. Iargo has a mouth for war. It’s totally understandable why Aladdin is so loved!

Aladdin, like the Little Mermaid, is another enjoyable experience, though the soundtrack is so-so. Though Arabian Nights is a lovely opening song, A Whole New World is a bit cheesy. If there was one song from 1992 I would’ve personally awarded the Oscar to, it would’ve been I Miss You (Robyn’s Song) from that Tom & Jerry movie (if only that got a nomination), but sod it.

  1. The Emperor’s New Groove (2000)

Runtime: 78 minutes

Budget: $100million

Domestic Box Office: $89,302,687

Worldwide Box Office: $169,327,687

I cackled all the way through David Spade’s spectacular performance as the capitalist emperor that is, Kuzco. I felt emotions when he struggles to cope with his llama alias. He starts off as a heartless meanie, then he turns into a llama and stumbles across this ‘peasant’ whose life he planned to ruin. And their mission is to return to the palace and turn Kuzco back into a human.

Most of the forth-wall jokes are hilarious, but when I first watched it, I thought there were times when the jokes go too far. For instance, when Kuzco introduces his llama form, he makes it pretty obvious that the llama is him. I was like; ‘shouldn’t the producers have waited till the film progressed?’ But I’ve got over it. The Emperor’s New Groove is without a doubt one of the highlights of the post-Disney Renaissance.

20/19. Both Rescuers films (1977 + 1990)

The Rescuers

Runtime: 77 minutes

Budget: $7.5million

Domestic Box Office: $29million (original), $71,215,869 (total)

The Rescuers Down Under

Runtime: 77 minutes

Budget: $38million

Domestic Box Office: $27,931,461

Worldwide Box Office: $47,431,461

I, of course, am referring to The Rescuers (1977) and The Rescuers Down Under (1990). Why am I tying them both together? Because I have no personal preference. I think they are as good as each other.

Why are they neglected? Is it because they lack songs? Of course the first film contains at least two songs; though Bernard and Bianca do not burst into musical numbers, but so what? They’re still neat. Down Under has no songs. Yet again, so what? It’s fine as it is. They do have the same basic story, but certain narrative elements and plot points are different. First film; the SOS message is sent via message in a bottle. Down Under; the mice familiarize themselves with modern network technology.

Both films each contain an exciting adventure that you wish you could participate in. I’m too lazy to even fight over which one of the three Godfather films is the best.

  1. The Lion King (1994)

Runtime: 87 minutes

Budget: $45million

Domestic Box Office: $312.9 million (original release), $422,783,777 (total)

Worldwide Box Office: $768.6 million (original release), $987,483,777 (total)

And so comes the film that clogged the box office (I, of course, mean that as a compliment), until Frozen came out. Like Oliver & Company, The Lion King goes to show how easy it is to originalise another media product. It is loosely based on William Shakespeare’s Hamlet. End of… chapter. Simba is one of the most unique Disney princes. He loses each play-fight with his best friend, Nala. He is left to fend for himself after his dad is killed, though with some supervision from Timon and Pumbaa. Unlike his father who is well-built, he diets on bugs, vegetation and so forth.

Speaking of the father, I said that Mufasa was well-built; his brother and the main villain Scar is the opposite; weak and spineless (check out that hump on his back), which is no wonder that he relies on the hyenas to do some of the work for him. And yet, the sibling rivalry between Mufasa and Scar is really interesting. The hyenas can be obnoxious sometimes, same for Timon and Pumbaa. I probably would’ve placed The Lion King much higher on this list, had they cut a scene where Pumbaa passes off flatulence. But this film is pretty much what Bambi should’ve looked like. We see a character die. Forget Bambi’s mom. The Lion King gives us a chance for emotions. Though I cried more during the Can You Feel The Love Tonight sequence. Not only is is so beautiful, but I really felt for Timon and Pumbaa (oh god, I feel emotional now).

There were two sequels to the Lion King. Should there be a Lion King 4; this one ought to be based on Mufasa and Scar’s back-story, just like The Godfather Part 2.

  1. Mulan (1998)

Runtime: 90 minutes

Budget: $90million

Domestic Box Office: $120,620,254

Worldwide Box Office: $304,320,254

If there ever was a Saving Private Ryan of Disney, Mulan certainly hits the spot. It was about time Disney made a film about a more ‘manly’ Disney Princess. Stuff Cinderella man, Mulan is a more unique princess. How she eventually gets her man is more subtle compared to the usual princess movies. No kiss, no hug, no marriage proposal, nothing as clichéd as that.

Anyway before I spoil any more of the movie, why did I compare Mulan to Saving Private Ryan? Well, first of all, it’s a war movie, except that it’s set in historical China. Second, look at the way the arrows attempt to lodge into the soldiers during the battle sequences. Impressive, innit? Also the scene where Le Shang finds the city in ruins is as heartbreaking as the napalm scene in Apocalypse Now. It’s like “wow!”

If you thought Disney Princesses was just for girls, that ain’t quite true. Boys will love Mulan. I should know. I’m one myself!

  1. The Fox & The Hound (1981)

Runtime: 83 minutes

Budget: $12million

Domestic Box Office: $39.9million (original release), $63,456,988 (total)

This is another film that has much more tear-jerking scenes than Bambi. The Fox & The Hound sees Tod lose his mom to a hunter, and it doesn’t go straight into ‘Sunshine, Lollipops & Rainbows’. It’s slowed down enough to break your heart. Of course, we’re then cheered up when Widow Tweed takes care of Tod. Then we get an awesome Best of Friends/Best of Enemies storyline. Tod befriends Copper, a hound dog who is trained to hunt foxes.

Some viewers may dismiss The Fox & The Hound as a kids’ movie, but surely your grandpa could enjoy it too. Plus the next half does mature as the film progresses. The friendship between the two protagonists is a strong and emotional theme throughout and debates whether they should remain companions or if it’s like; “Let’s hunt each other down”. Mickey Rooney and Kurt Russell’s performance effectively spark the maturity.

The ending made me cry. I won’t give anything away, but I still feel emotions thinking about it. Rest in peace Mickey.

  1. The Aristocats (1970)

Runtime: 78 minutes

Budget: $4million

Worldwide Box Office: $26,462,000 (original re-release), $55,675,257 (total)

If you love France and art, you’re going to love the Aristocats. Who said the Aristocats was so forgettable? It’s a masterpiece! As a kid, I had it on video.

So what can I say about The Aristocats that makes it so good? First of all, the connections. It’s very well sketched out; this blends really well with the aristocratic culture and the French setting, that’s a powerful connection! Don’t believe me? Pay a visit to the Louvre. I once spent a few days’ vacation in Paris.

Another important connection links the cats to the use of jazz music. Speaking of music, Richard and Robert Sherman’s songs rock! I mentioned all those abysmal songs from that Winnie the Pooh film(!). These ones swing into effort! Everybody Wants To Be Cat sung by them cool alley cats is especially a swinging classic!

  1. Alice In Wonderland (1951)

Runtime: 75 minutes

Budget: $3million

Domestic Box Office: $2.4million (original release), $5,232,000 (total)

Another film we had on video, Alice In Wonderland is probably the most surreal Disney cartoon I’ve ever seen. Alice sometimes reminds me of myself. There’s the fuss about books without pictures and later, the hope for something with a logical explanation, because logic is something that does not exist in Wonderland.

I love how the setting of Wonderland is structured. It’s like a labyrinth and there’s the various characters Alice comes across. The Cheshire Cat; he cracked me up when he stood on his head, as much as the un-birthday tea party did. I really sympathize with Alice as the film progresses; as she struggles to open the entrance door to Wonderland, she forgets about the key on the table, but after all, she’s only a little girl. Her failed attempts to negotiate with the Mad Hatter and March Hare are humorous, yet understandable, and the scene where she sings Very Good Advice will definitely break your bleedin’ ‘earts!

Alice In Wonderland is quite a challenging film to watch, probably somewhere in the same boat as Fahrenheit 451. This version of Lewis Carroll’s novel is the best of them all. Skip the Tim Burton version and avoid the one with Peter Sellers and Michael Crawford in it by all means.

  1. Dumbo (1941)

Runtime: 64 minutes

Budget: $950,000

Domestic Box Office: $1,600,000

Dumbo is the film I cried most at. I mean, man, those circus trainers are so unfair to that poor elephant. Dumbo is born with enormous ears, and as a result, is bullied by the other elephants, except his mom and picked on by the circus… staff; his accidental clumsiness causes such a huge snag that he is made a clown. Gee, it’s like Disney meets the Elephant Man. That’s what makes the film so unique. Dumbo is a sympathetic view on those discriminated by their features. The only characters who are sympathizing with him are his mom, Timothy Q Mouse (that’s his mentor by the way) and of course the crows.

Now on a very serious note and speaking of the crows, these crows have been picked on long enough now and it’s time we started to show some maturity in this. Disney never meant any harm to the audience whatsoever. Crows are black and shall remain black. It’s not their fault their black. Black is just a word. Jim Crow is just a name and is no different to the name Timothy Q Mouse or even Jiminy Cricket. Disney is as innocent as any certain person could be. How do you know the crows are even African Americans? Cliff Edwards wasn’t African. Anybody could dance like them. It’s perfectly normal and all Disney wanted to do was to make a valid contribution to society. There I said it.

  1. Sleeping Beauty (1959)

Runtime: 75 minutes

Budget: $6million

Domestic Box Office: $5,300,000 (original release), $51.6million (total)

I have fond memories of Sleeping Beauty. Yes, it’s a princess movie, but what the hell. Me and my brother used to watch it all the time. It was one of those films we taped off the TV. Out of every Disney movie, or in fact, movie in general, Sleeping Beauty is the one I misheard the most lines from. There was me, right, watching the bit where Flora finds out that Aurora’s boyfriend was Prince Phillip all along, then rushes to her colleagues and is like “come on, we’ve got to get back to the car”. I was thinking “what, did they drive to the castle?” “Did they need a car?” Then they arrive at the cottage and it’s like “Oh they said ‘cottage'”. Good times.

Maleficent is an awesome villain. The fairies kick butt, especially Merry-Weather. She’s my favourite! Personally, I like the side characters better than the main ones. Aurora could’ve done with more character development, alongside Prince Phillip. Though I must admit, Phillip is much more of a Disney Prince than both Prince Charmings (from Snow White and Cinderella) are. He has more screen-time and is more of an Action Man. That said; this is quite a good synopsis with cool misunderstandings and an exciting finale.

  1. Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Budget: $120million

Domestic Box Office: $84,056,472

Worldwide Box Office: $186,053,725

God I love Atlantis: The Lost Empire! I don’t know why so many people hate this movie so much. This is Disney’s most left-wing film of all time, followed by a few others. In fact, it’s the only one that was nominated for a film Political Film Society Awards, and with good reason.

Atlantis: The Lost Empire is about this crew who research the lost city of Atlantis, which was flooded for over a thousand years and lost power since the incident. Milo Thatch who is among the crew attempts to find a way to power up the crystal chamber to save the city, but Commander Rourke stands in his way with selfish plans to sell the crystal for a million smackers, regardless of the Atlanteans’ lives. The scene where certain of Milo’s colleagues side with him is quite a touching scene.

Atlantis: The Lost Empire is very cultural; among the side characters are Vinny, an Italian demolitions expert, Mole, a French geologist and Sweet, an African American doctor, and they’re so identifiable. Each character obtains their own back-story. The comic relief is also awesome. Packard especially makes me laugh with her infamous line “we’re all gonna die” and her constant chat-rabbiting on the radio. The female characters are very masculine and quite different to many Disney women; there’s Audrey, who works as a mechanic and loves boxing, and Helga, who’s a regular Lara Croft.

Atlantis: The Lost Empire is also visual and epic! I mean, wow, look at the Star Wars-like aircraft and that crystal chamber. Yummy!

  1. The Jungle Book (1967)

Runtime: 78 minutes

Budget: $4million

Domestic Box Office: $73.3million (original release), $141,843,612 (total)

Worldwide Box Office: $205,843,612 (total)

So starter from ten and we’re on the jazz man! As once said Mr T. The Jungle Book is one of them films that largely references pop culture and I mean literal pop culture, thanks to the vulture quartet, or should I call them the next Fab Four, but a lot of other things also.

It’s a well-adapted film from literature, it’s a well-written and choreographed musical (long live the Shermans! Alas, only half of them are still with us), well obviously! Songs like Bare Necessities, I Wanna Be Like You and even Colonel Hathi’s March are bouncy enough to uplift your butts into the jazz, man!

The characters are well-created; Baloo is a smooth talker, Bagheera’s the serious and paranoid one, Shere Khan is… the calm, yet resourceful villain. Movin’ on. The jungle is delightfully sketched out and I feel like I want to live there! The music, man, provides a jazzy and funky atmosphere. The Jungle Book is a coming-of-age, buddy road-trip, musical, comedy, adventure cartoon that can keep those any age on the jazz man! Oh thanks a lot Mr T!

  1. The Black Cauldron (1985)

Runtime: 80 mins.

Budget: $44million

Domestic Box Office: $21,288,692

Many critics seem to hate this movie more than they hate Atlantis. Is it Taran’s constant rabbiting? Well either way, I don’t mind a bit of that.

The Black Cauldron is sort-of Disney meets Ralph Bakshi. Why him? Well, did you know that he directed Wizards and the Lord Of The Rings cartoon? Each time I view The Black Cauldron, that’s the motivation I receive. So what if it’s largely different from other Disney movies? It’s still worth a watch.

The villain’s different and awesome. One sight of him can send chills to our bones. Speaking of which, he plans to use the black cauldron in question to unleash a boned army (wolf whistles).

The British cast is also great; John Hurt does the Horned King, Nigel Hawthorne, Fflam, and of course Susan Sheridan as Princess Eilonwy, and she’s impressive (NB. she was in her late thirties at the time and Eilonwy is about 14). I don’t care much about the Disney Princess franchise, but you can’t just exclude Eilonwy from the franchise just because the film failed heavily at the box office.

Folks, we gotta cut this film some slack and increase the DVD/VHS/whatever-storage-you-have sales.

  1. The Sword In The Stone (1963)

Runtime: 79 minutes

Budget: $3million

Box Office: $13,050,777 (original release), $22,182,353 (total)

Probably the film I watched the most times, The Sword In The Stone is the most hilarious Disney movies I’ve ever seen. For those who haven’t seen it yet, please do. It’s ironic that the film is never the first film that comes into people’s minds whenever Disney comes into context. Who can forget Merlin’s beard gags which are absolutely impossible to not cackle along to? And the wolf’s constant attempts to consume Wart?

On a more serious note, not only is it the humour that stands out about The Sword In The Stone. The screenplay obtains an amount of smart writing. If it wasn’t for the film, I wouldn’t have known what gravity was or anything about animal’s body parts. It’s like having Merlin and Archimedes as your college professors. Merlin is all about logic. He is also a regular time-traveller and knows a lot about the modern world, which is no wonder why he serves as a brilliant mentor to Wart.

Wart is a bit like Simba; he’s scrawny as Kay calls him, yet thanks to Merlin, he becomes lucky, and I mustn’t say any more in case I spoil the ending.

  1. Beauty & The Beast (1991)

Runtime: 84 minutes

Budget: $25million

Domestic Box Office: $145.9million (original release), $218,967,620 (total)

Worldwide Box Office: $351,863,363 (original release), $424,967,620 (total)

You may think I placed Beauty & The Beast in the top ten, due to its famous Academy Award nomination for Best Picture. Wrong! Having said that, I’d rather the Oscar was awarded to this movie rather than some lame horror movie about a cannibal who doesn’t even consume enough human flesh.

Actually, the reason for the position is because Beauty & The Beast is more unique compared to Disney’s other prince/princess movies. In fact, the Beast, sometimes referred to as Prince Adam, is the most unique Disney Prince of all time. He has personality! He has a motive! He’s transformed into a beast as punishment for not being very nice to his servants, in fact, not very nice in general. He’s werewolf-like, short-tempered, yet has the hots for Belle and struggles to behave like a gentleman. Though his niceness develops, there are other things he must learn, including his table manners, lol. That’s also why it’s one of the best ever romantic films in general.

The soundtrack is also badass! The opening theme provides a theme of darkness to Adam’s back-story. Gaston’s song is my favourite; it depicts him as a not-as bad guy as many of the villagers think and worships him as a god. Of course he is a villain.

My dad also loves this movie. In fact, we both like the character of Gaston, but my mom hates him for being a brute. The way he proposed to Belle, that is so hilarious! It’s something most romantic comedies seem to be missing nowadays.

  1. Peter Pan (1953)

Runtime: 76 minutes

Budget: $4million

Domestic Box Office: $87,404,651 (total)

Worldwide Box Office: $7million (original release), $145million (total)

Peter Pan is one of those films that had a large impact on me. Me and my brother used to re-act the sword fights; him as Peter Pan, myself as Captain Hook. Bearing in mind, we did not use real swords, lol.

Peter Pan, like many blockbuster movies (it was a box office success, what more do you want?), attracts every molecule that everybody can enjoy. Females can enjoy Peter and Wendy’s romance, males can enjoy the action sequences, or maybe vice versa. I especially enjoyed the pirates, the fights (I guess I’m such a big lad!), Hook’s design, the songs, especially Following The Leader, I also love the epic ending; I won’t give too much detail, but it reminded me of one of the most iconic scenes from E.T. The Extra Terrestrial.

I also like how George Darling’s personality eventually changes. Fun fact, the same voice actor also does Hook’s voice. I’d also recommend Steven Spielberg’s Hook which is the sequel to the story. That too is terrific. Avoid the P.J. Hogan version by all means. It has Jason Isaacs as Hook and it ain’t the only problem with the film.

  1. The Great Mouse Detective (1986)

Runtime: 74 minutes

Budget: $14million

Box Office: $25.3million (original release), $38,625,550 (total)

5, 4, 3, 2,… not yet Jeff! Yes, here we are in the top five. We begin with John Musker and Ron Clement’s underrated directorial début with Disney.

Apart from Condorman, The Great Mouse Detective, or Basil The Great Mouse Detective as it is sometimes known, is the only Disney movie to feature Henry Mancini’s jazzy score. Back on the jazz man (oh I said it again!). Seriously though, Goodbye So Soon has rhythm! As does The World’s Greatest Criminal Mind. In fact, it suits the crime-mystery/film-noir-ish atmosphere perfectly.

This film is the rodent equivalent  to the Sherlock Holmes franchise; Basil, as Holmes, David Q Dawson, the regular Dr Watson. They, along with a girl named Olivia, are on a mission to save her pop, a toy-maker, from Ratigan, Basil’s arch-enemy who plans to wipe out the mouse version of Queen Victoria.

What’s fantastic about The Great Mouse Detective is the screenplay. It’s very intelligently scripted. Basil obtains an IQ rating somewhat over 1000. It would’ve taken a lot of guts to script Basil’s dialogue; the way he memorizes the connection between Dawson’s experience in Afghanistan and what he’s wearing, and the sums he memorizes in regard to each trap they come across. It’s like “Wow!”. Even the sound is at its best! If you don’t believe me, have a look at the Big Ben finale. Oh and did I mention that Vincent Price voices Ratigan?

  1. The Hunchback Of Notre Dame (1996)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Budget: $100million

Domestic Box Office: $100,138,851

Worldwide Box Office: $325,338,851

People either love or hate this film. Personally I love it. As a kid, The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, along with Fantasia and The Sword In The Stone, was my favourite. The film came out when I was six years old and I can honestly confirm that it’s one of the films I’m most proud to have seen at the pictures. Out of every 90s cartoon, many people vote Beauty & The Beast, Aladdin and/or The Lion King, but it was the Hunchback Of Notre Dame that blew me away!

Some people hate the film, due to its overly mature issues, but that’s what I love about Hunchback; it covers infanticide, religious hypocrisy, damnation, you name it! A bit like Dumbo, except there’s more of that stuff involved.

Claude Frollo is one of the best Disney villains of all time; he’s not so panto. He’s one of those guys who does not admit he’s evil and believes he’s doing a good deed for God when in fact, he’s committing a huge sin; murdering the innocent. He’s like “Double cross me and I will kill you”. Badass!

The background details are visually stunning! The music is adorable! Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise are the most incredible directors to have worked with Disney since the beginning of the Renaissance. They should continue!

  1. Robin Hood (1973)

Runtime: 83 minutes

Budget: $5million

Domestic Box Office: $17.16million (original release), $32,056,467 (total)

Robin Hood is another film which had a huge impact on me since childhood. It is also one of the reasons why I personally became a left-winger. Robin Hood robs from the rich and gives to the poor, and with very good reason; the townsfolk is living in poverty and cannot afford much of Prince John’s unnecessarily high taxes.

Prince John is one of the most unique Disney Princes along with the Beast and Simba. He’s probably the only prince Disney has made a villain out of. Prince John is a regular Margaret Thatcher, Ian Beale and Dr. Robotnik. His immature tantrums made me cackle all the way through and also feel sorry for his servant Hiss. Robin Hood is the typical Sonic The Hedgehog; he’s resourceful, he easily fools his enemies with his disguises alongside his sidekick Little John, he has heart. In short, they’re the Mr. Nice Guys.

What also turns me on about Robin Hood is the Bob Dylan-style soundtrack. Whistle Stop is a smooth starting melody, Love is a nice gentle ballad, but in my opinion, it’s the Phony King Of England that rocks! Shame that song never got an Oscar nomination. Oh well, Love did, pity it didn’t win. Alas, the soundtrack doesn’t get as much credit as the soundtracks to Pinocchio, Beauty & The Beast or The Jungle Book. It’s so underrated.

I love how every character is an anthropomorphic animal with no humans whatsoever; Robin’s a fox, Little John’s a bear, Hiss is a snake, yadda, yadda, yadda. This is like a powerful network between the setting of Sherwood Forest and nature. Many of the sequences are awesome! The archery tournament turning into an American Football match demonstrates how much butt Lady Kluck kicks, the Not In Nottingham number is quite dark and emotional and shows how much hurt capitalism causes, the finale is so suspenseful; Robin and Little John are attempting to release the prisoners whilst dodging the guards and other obstacles and making as little noise as possible.

Check it out folks. You won’t regret it.

  1. Fantasia (1940)

Runtime: 125 minutes

Budget: $2,280,000

Domestic Box Office: $325,000 (original release), $76.4million (total)

Worldwide Box Office: $83,320,000 (total)

Well, that’s the last of Disney’s anthology movies. As I said, I’m not a fan of the majority, but Fantasia is simply the fairest of them all!

I would’ve personally listed it as one of Disney’s live-action movies, considering that technically, Fantasia is not all animated, hence Deems Taylor, Leopold Stokowski and the Philadelphia Orchestra. On the other hand, the film is less than a quarter live-action and the rest is animated. I guess that makes sense. But unlike Saludos Amigos, Three Caballeros and so forth, Fantasia’s segments verify the effort! True that it’s various different plots, but there is something that clearly unites them. That being the classical music and how each cartoon contrasts with the mood. It’s artistic, it’s psychedelic, it’s surreal, it’s dark, it’s a film that anybody over the age of twenty-one can watch with or without the accompaniment of a child.

The Rite Of Spring sequence is awesome! It explores the logical origin of the Earth; the development, the evolution of dinosaurs and their eventual demise; I especially love the fight between the T.Rex and the stegosaurus. Tell me this ain’t better than Bambi. Night On Bald Mountain is another one of my favourites; another part that will vibrate your epidermis (ask Nelson Muntz what that means). Chernabog casting his own demons to the flames. Cool!

Okay, here we go…

  1. Pinocchio (1940)

Runtime: 88 minutes

Budget: $2.6million

Domestic Box Office: $1,423,046.78 (original release), $84.2million (total)

Worldwide Box Office: $3.5million (original), $87,000,862 (total)

And Thunderbirds are go! Pinocchio is my all-time favourite Disney movie. Of course I said that as a child, it was either the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Fantasia or The Sword In The Stone, but throughout my life, it’s Pinocchio. Like Peter Pan and Robin Hood, Pinocchio had a huge impact on me. It still does.

The film validly contributes to society and really relates to me. The protagonist comes across the symbols of temptation. Honest John tricks Pinocchio into working as an actor for a fat-cat puppet master and into spending a vacation on a dangerously dark island, just to earn some dirty money. It goes to show that kids must watch out for strangers; they may come across child abductors, pick-pockets or even pedophiles. This also goes for adults. I should know, I’ve encountered people who attempted to rip me off, change religions and ask for personal bank details, etc.

Pinocchio demonstrates awareness that there are going to be bad things in life and exaggerates society effectively. The jackass sequence is wicked(!) meaning both harsh and enjoyable, simultaneously. Monstro’s bit is especially a fun climax. Anybody for a Jaws Vs. Monstro movie? (just kidding!) Pinocchio is not only my favourite Disney movie, but one of my favourites in general. I also have to point out; Pinocchio is one of very few films, not just by Disney but in general, to not punish its villains.

The theme song When You Wish Upon A Star is my all-time favourite song. It contributes effectively to the films themes. The ending is also one of the best. I was both crying and smiling at the same time.

By the way, for the Disney Legend I was referring to earlier on and that I had originally dedicated this list to, it was the guy who did the voice of Pinocchio, Dickie Jones. 87; that was good going Dick, but I can’t believe you’ve been gone for some time. May you rest in peace.

Right, that’s all the films from the animated canon I’ve seen (so far). I’ve got a few things to do. Hope you enjoyed reading my critiques.


The Worst-To-Best Filmation movies

About six months ago, I wrote a blog based on a internationally famous animation film company, that is Walt Disney Pictures. Of course, it’s also produced live-action movies, but many people mainly recognize the company for it’s animated features. So now, I’m going to rank some animated films which was produced by a studio that is very rarely discussed nowadays and hasn’t been in business for some time. This company is called Filmation.

Last year, the last of the founding members of Filmation passed away due to a bladder related issue. Because neither of them are with us no more, I am dedicating the rankings to them guys. For those of you who don’t know, Filmation was a production company which produced television programmes and feature films, mostly animation, from 1963 – 1989. Hal Sutherland (that’s the guy I was talking about) had previously worked with Disney as an animator for films such as Peter Pan, Lady & The Tramp and Sleeping Beauty. After the apparent failure of Sleeping Beauty, some of the staff was laid off and I would presume Hal was one of them. Later, he, Lou Scheimer and Norm Prescott commenced business, thus was born, Filmation. Filmation became famous for producing Saturday morning cartoons such as He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe, Bravestarr and Fat Albert And The Cosby Kids, plus remakes of Star Trek, Flash Gordon and Ghostbusters. Mainly television, but there were also a few films Filmation produced. Filmation was notable for its limited animation technique and use of rotoscoping. Basically it involved a limited amount of frames per seconds and used less paper, which in a way is economical. Probably the reason why Filmation is one of the least discussed is because after the box office failure of its final three films, it eventually and alas went bankrupt in 1989, so many people would’ve forgotten about it, except for those who grew up in the 60s, 70s and 80s.

I would label Filmation as an ‘okay’ company. Personally I like the majority of its programmes better than its films. But sometimes, Filmation didn’t seem to be very original, considering that it remade such programmes as Looney Tunes, Tom & Jerry, Superman, Batman and so forth. However, stuff like He-Man, Bravestarr and Fat Albert were actually created by them, so they can be regarded as original. I also quite like the animation. And it did lead the way for certain crew members and actors who would appear in higher profile productions.

So just to keep things short, I will review the features. Here’s what I regard as The Worst-To Best movies produced by Filmation;

6. Journey Back To Oz


Kicking off our list is a film which apparently took twelve years to bring to the silver screen; an ill-fated unofficial sequel to The Wizard Of Oz, one of the best movies ever made. Journey Back To Oz is so bland and forgettable. How many songs can you sing along to? Hint; there’s no Over The Rainbow, or Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead, or even… those were the days! It’s a totally weak sequel to anything whatsoever. Not even Mickey Rooney or Liza Minelli can uplift the spirits. There’s better films you can enjoy.

5. Treasure Island

1973 Treasure Island (1973)_03

What a joke! Treasure Island? I’ve seen Walt Disney’s Treasure Planet and it was so much more original compared to this! If you want a movie from 1973 that shows off limited animation techniques, look at Robin Hood or Heavy Traffic. They are much more smoothly animated compared to this!

4. Mighty Mouse: Great Space Chase


Well that’s much more of an improvement. I’ve always loved Mighty Mouse. I, of course, realise that Mighty Mouse: Great Space Chase is an anthology movie, but I ain’t big on anthology movies with the exception of Fantasia, that one’s awesome, but the Many Aventures Of Winnie The Pooh can kiss my butt! In fact, some of Quentin Tarantino’s movies are anthology and they’re awesome! Mighty Mouse: Great Space Chase looks a bit much like a television series. I would’ve preferred it if the segments was separate, because after a viewing of each one, I then forget what’s happened. But the action can still keep us relaxed.

3. Pinocchio & The Emperor Of The Night


We’re half way through and this is another rather unofficial sequel to a legendary film. Pinocchio & The Emperor Of The Night is one of them movies I both really admire and really despise simultaneously. Although I’m glad I saw it, I ain’t sure if it was a good way for Filmation to boost its numbers after the He-Man and She-Ra movie only performed moderately successful at the box office. I admit there is some good stuff in the film, but there are flaws. Okay what’s the story?; the film takes place a year after Pinocchio’s origin. He volunteers to deliver a valuable box to the mayor for his father Gepetto. But he comes across them two thieving creatures, Scalawag and Igor, who trade a phony piece of jewelry for the box. Gepetto is annoyed, so Pinocchio who decides to make amends, plans to apply for a job at a mysterious carnival in order to mature. This leads to an amount of complications, involving a visit to the Land Where Dreams Come True, the reluctant teaming up with Scalawag and Igor, the kidnapping of Gepetto and a final showdown between Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night, hence the title, lol. Let’s start with the good stuff; first of all, the casting. My god, James Earl Jones is fantastic as the Emperor. His voice is kickass. His voice performance as Darth Vader really paid off. The voice of the protagonist is a young Scott Grimes. I ain’t joking. It’s the same guy who voiced Steve Smith in American Dad. There’s also Rickie Lee Jones who voices the fairy and she provides a cool ballad, Love Is The Light Inside Your Heart. Speaking of which, the music is awesome. It ain’t exactly When You Wish Upon A Star or Give A Little Whistle, but the fairy’s song which I just mentioned is so underrated. Even You’re A Star is cool. And that organ music which is played while Pinocchio is transformed back into a puppet. My god, it’s melodic enough to give a viewer nightmares. Also, the animation is truly epic. I know Filmation are well known for their limited animation techniques, but each time we see the Emperor, the scale is much larger and smoother, I dunno how to reword it. The villains including the Emperor and Puppetino are also badass. I love Puppetino’s cockney accent and laugh. Moving on, where does the film fall flat? Some of the animation on the characters ain’t brilliant. To me, the way Pinocchio is designed, he is meant to be a year older than in the Disney version, but I swear he looks a bit younger. He of course has a sidekick, only this time, it’s a glowworm called Gee Wilikers, who, let’s be honest, ain’t much of a replacement to good old Jiminy Cricket. I know Jiminy was created by Disney and Filmation attempted to avoid plagiarizing the Disney version, even though they did get sued at one point, but Gee’s voice irritates me so much. I really hoped for that toad to eat him. And frankly, I ain’t keen on the dialogue. It’s so simplistic and cliched. It’s like “I’m coming to get you” and so forth. And what’s this I hear about the fairy being named The Fairy Godmother. That is so Cinderella, a totally different story to Pinocchio.

Overall, the film isn’t as great as the awesome Disney version, nor will it beat the Two Ronnies parody, but there are worse versions. Is Pinocchio & The Emperor Of The Night corny at times? Of course. Does it have it’s flaws? Sure. But there is some good ingredients to balance the film. I love the soundtrack, I love the villains, the bug characters can kiss my butt. If you’re familiar with the story of Pinocchio, I’d give this film a viewing. If not, I’d start with the Disney version. All I can say at the moment is “Come back, Jiminy Cricket! Come back!”

2. Bravestarr: The Legend


Ah, Bravestarr. One of Filmation’s delightful TV creations transforms into an underrated full length-feature, Bravestarr: The Legend. Alas, Bravestarr was Filmation’s final TV series before they reached their black day. Yet, the movie wasn’t commercially successful. I guess after Pinocchio & The Emperor Of The Night, Filmation was beginning to reach its end. Does that make Bravestarr: The Legend a bad movie? Good God no! It’s so action-packed and will appeal to sci-fi fans and western fans alike. It’s also more original compared to most of Filmation’s other features. Sure, it’s based on a TV programme, but Filmation created Bravestarr in the first place. it’s their project. What do you expect? So the film concerns a planet known as New Texas which of course receives similar consequences to the population of the generic city in the Streets Of Rage games and Bravestarr arrives to put a stop to the corruption.

Yup, that’s good enough for me. In fact, did you know it was one of few cartoons back then to use CGI?

1. He-Man & She-Ra: Secret Of The Sword


‘Ere we go, ‘ere we go, ‘ere we go, ‘ere we go! Another TV programme-based feature. Yet, another one of Filmation’s own projects, that is He-Man & She-Ra: Secret Of The Sword. Not many films based on TV programmes are great; however, Thunderbirds Are Go, awesome! Wallace & Gromit In The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit, awesome! South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut, you guessed it, awesome! But the movies to Garfield and Scooby Doo (blows raspberry!). I’m quite surprised this film only got a moderate amount at the box office, because He-Man & She-Ra: Secret Of The Sword is so unique. Okay, maybe it’s a compilation film of episodes, but no one will notice. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the uniqueness. He-Man and She-Ra fight against Skeletor. They fancy each other, but it is discover later in the film that they are already family. Yes stupid, they’re brother and sister; a bit like the Osirias and Isis story; innit though? And of course we get to know their back-stories. At last, a bit of continuity. He-Man & She-Ra: Secret Of The Sword is an enjoyable fantasy action adventure cartoon.

So that was my ranking of all the movies I’ve ever seen to be produced by the long defunct Filmation. Though I hear Dreamworks has acquired the rights to it recently. Cool stuff.

Thank you for reading this review. I’ve never seen Happily Ever After in case you’re wondering. Moving on. If there are any filmmakers/companies you can recommend me to review, feel free to let me know.

The Worst-to-Best Pixar Movies

for future utube clip

Some of you are probably wondering why I left the Pixar movies out when I ranked the Disney Animated features. Well, all of the stuff Pixar has done is animated and they have always worked with Disney. In fact, they are owned by Disney. But a) I was ranking the features which were produced by a company called Walt Disney Animation Studios and b) I needed to narrow things down.
Well, if anybody’s a Pixar fan, now’s the chance! For me, Pixar is a greatfilm studio. It certainly introduced CG animation, which is creative, but nowadays has become obsessive and clichéd. But the best thing about the studio is how much it thinks out of the box during pre-production. There are good films, but anyway, here’s the list!;

13. Cars (2006)


Who’s up for a bit of speedway? Remember The Love Bug and its many sequels, about a racing Volkswagen beetle with a life of its own, and Disney’s version of Robin Hood, which had anthropomorphic animals with no humans in it whatsoever? Basically, Cars is about a racing car living in a world inhabited by other anthropomorphic vehicles. Sounds a bit weird, don’t you think? Okay maybe it’ll be a bit like Budgie The Little Helicopter and Top Gear (the latter which I ain’t never been much of a fan of, long story) tied together. I’m all for motor racing and I give credit for the vehicle designs (extra points for including a Volkswagen camper van!), but Cars is a bit too obnoxious and dull for me. Certain scenes get in the way of my enjoyment. I can’t believe they had to include a scene where the tractors fart. For crying out loud, if you wanted them to pass wind, at least make the farts sound like car engines turning on!

12. Cars 2 (2011)


Most people would rate Cars 2 below the first one, which is why I’ll understand if I’ve upset any readers by ranking Cars 2 above Cars 1. Though personally I like Cars 2 better for the atmosphere. Of course, it’s still not very good and it’s overlong and I still have to sit through more unnecessary bog-humour.

11. A Bug’s Life (1998)


I think I enjoyed A Bug’s Life better when I was a kid, but now that I’m older, it ain’t as great as I remember it. I have to admit, I love the liberal message the film gets across. The fact is, when this movie came out, another bug-related cartoon came out the same year. That movie was Antz. Antz was the film I saw at the pictures. I later watched A Bug’s Life on one of my neighbours’ videos. Now if there’s one film I’d choose between Antz and this one, I would say Antz. The reason is because compared to Antz, A Bug’s Life lacks enough detail for a CGI cartoon. The characters, especially the ants, are not animated right! If them producers thought they could rival Antz, why are the ants missing two legs? And why are they blue?! Apart from its decent values, it’s just an excuse for cutesiness.

10. The Incredibles (2004)


There are a hell load of superhero movies coming around this period. I wouldn’t say that The Incredibles altered the shenanigans, whatsoever. It’s actually a mickey-take out of the genre. There are scenes that drag throughout the movie, but the idea of a family consisting entirely of superheroes is pretty original and there are some humourous moments.

9. Monsters INC (2001)


Monsters INC is one of them films I saw at the cinema. I was 12 at the time. When I first watched it, I enjoyed it. But then, after it was released on VHS, teachers over-showed it to us, probably due to students’ requests, I dread to think. Looking back, and this is why I said ‘I dread to think’, Monsters INC ain’t as great as I remember it. I was really invested in the film’s liberal values, the fact that Waternoose and Randall come up with this machine built to kill the kids, which will put all the monsters out of work, because they’re hired to scare the kids in order to generate power. That’s really creative. But the more I watch it, the more annoying it gets, though not everybody will feel that way. The problem with Monsters INC is the cast of characters. Sure Sulley is a good protagonist, Randall and Waternoose are awesome villains, Roz is hilarious, but about half the cast irritate me; Mike, Celia, geez I could slap her(!), sometimes Boo can be annoying, but I am invested in the relationship between her and Sulley, but the most annoying characters from this film are Smitty and Needleman. God their voices hurt my ears! It’s like they’re trying to rip-off the character of the Squeaky Voiced Teen in the Simpsons (of course he’s a great character). I’m also not a huge fan of Randy Newman’s songs. They ain’t bad, they’re just not brilliant. But I enjoy some of the visuals (like the door scene for example) and I really admire the ending (mustn’t give anything away). The values are cool, the villains are cool, half of the rest of the cast can kiss my butt. I’m glad I watched Monsters INC when I had the chance, but I’ve seen it enough times.

8. Brave


Pixar’s animated feminine version of Braveheart. What can a guy like myself say about a princess-related movie? Well it’s so much more than that. There’s plenty of action to enjoy and I admire how Merida constantly stands up to her controlling and overprotective mom, always a great sign and she’s a regular Robin Hood. The Scottish background is also well-designed. There’s just one thing that I don’t get and that’s the bit where Elinor turns into a bear. It is a great climax when we see Merida trying to get her back into a human and we understand the witch’s betrayal, but turning into a bear after eating a cake. I can understand the idea of boys making literal jackasses out of themselves, parents pigging at a theme park and turning into pigs, an Inuit transforming into a bear after slaughtering one. But cakes and bears? Was the cake honey-flavoured? I’d probably get it.

As you probably get, apart from Braveheart, Brave seems to have taken elements from previous Disney films; Pinocchio, Robin Hood, Mulan, er… Brother Bear (?)…, but it doesn’t make it a bad movie. It’s still decent.

7. Finding Nemo (2003)


Ironically, I didn’t see Finding Nemo at the cinema when it came out.

Audience: What?!

Yeah I know, big blockbuster. But I haven’t seen every single blockbuster in the world you know. I ain’t even seen Inception yet. The reason why I avoided Finding Nemo in the first place was because I thought it was just going to be an excuse for cutesy bits. I mean let’s face it, it’s about a bunch of little clown fish. The trailers and advertisements made it look like it was just going to be a movie aimed at really young children and I had only just become a teenager that year, so I felt I was too old. I of course was over analyzing, because one is never too old for Disney. But at the time, I wanted to see more ‘grown-up’ films. However, a college friend of mine persuaded me to watch it and so we had a movie night and watched Finding Nemo. It was better than I thought it would be. I enjoyed the visuals and the character development. I was really invested when Marlin lost his wife and how Nemo became the only child of his that survived and as a result becomes so overprotective of his son that Nemo sneaks away to the shore, leading to his kidnap. So it’s not a bad film. My only nitpick would be the villain, Darla, who once shook a fish to death. Was it a good idea to make a disabled child the villain? Would viewers get the wrong impression? I don’t know. But overall, Finding Nemo is a pleasant experience. It provides a perfect anti-fishing moral to viewers. What works really works. Visual, liberal, you name it.

6. Ratatouille (2007)


Ratatouille is a brilliant title for a film. I can sort of guess from the title that it’s about a rat who lives in a restaurant. But once I saw Ratatouille, it was more interesting than I thought. If you think about it, rats, like many other animals, are misunderstood by human culture. Not just that, remember the Black Death which we eventually now know was caused by a rat with fleas living inside it? Rats are actually known to have caused plagues.

However, Remy proves that rats can actually prove beneficial as you can see when he is attempting to help a young French chef named Linguini, whose job is in danger. The bits when Remy controls Linguini seems odd, but what the hell. There are so many other ingredients to leave us with a lovely taste to our mouths.

4/5. Toy Storys 1 & 2 (1995 / 1999)


And starter from five (and four), we now come to the franchise in which Pixar is probably best remembered for; the Toy Story films. Some of you may ask, why am I tying the first two films together? And of course, some of you may think I’m just too lazy to pick a favourite from the series. Well to be quite frank, I don’t have a particular favourite Godfather movie, nor can I decide which Lord Of The Rings film I like best. When I ranked the Walt Disney Animated Features, I found both Rescuers features as good as each other. In fact, that’s the same opinion I have with both Toy Storys 1 and 2. I think they’re both so good, I can’t decide which one is better. I ain’t too keen on the detailed features for the human characters, except for Al and Geri. I especially think Pixar ought to have gone for a more Antz or Beowulf look, personally. Though I realise that Toy Story was Pixar’s first full CGI-made feature and the first full CGI-made feature in general, so I can let Pixar off. Randy Newman’s soundtrack is okay. Of course it’s better than the soundtrack from James & The Giant Peach (yuk!). But the best things about TS 1 & 2 are the storylines, the dialogue, the attentions to detail, character backgrounds and of course the originality.

Now if you’re wondering about Toy Story 3, we’ll get to that one later. Right now though…

3. WALL-E (2008)


I was 18 at the time WALL-E came out and yet, I felt I was too old to watch such a ‘cute-looking’ film. Maybe I was over-analysing; at the time I was studying A-Level Film Studies and I learned that one shouldn’t judge a film just by its target audience. I certainly didn’t enjoy Robots which further distanced myself from WALL-E. However I later saw WALL-E on BBC1 and it was much better than I thought. The film is a mostly silent movie set in a dystopian future where Earth is nothing but a garbage dump. That is awesome! It’s like a futuristic nightmare for many people who predict the future. And there’s WALL-E whose job is to clear the trash. He falls in love with a female robot called EVE whose mission is to seek out any vegetation left on the planet. So as you can see, this is a very unique love story. Not only that, but the film portrays communication through sound effects and includes strong messages of humanity and environmental issues. There’s one thing that bugs me; part of the second act; the humans. They all look the same and don’t have much of the personally, therefore I can’t remember any of them individually. That was the strong point to Atlantis. However, that’s a personal nitpick and I can understand why they are overweight and are unfit to exercise, due to the fact they relied too much on the modern technology.

I would’ve been a total wally, had I not given WALL-E at least one viewing.

2. Toy Story 3 (2010)


Some of you may have been wondering why I didn’t tie Toy Story 3 along with the other two. Well I’m about to reveal the answer. First of all, can I just say?; when Toy Story 3 came out, I wanted to see it, but I was too tied up with college work at the time, so I didn’t get much chance. Sorry If I shocked you. Yeah I know, big blockbuster and Best Picture nominee. However, I think Toy Story 3 deserved that Oscar nomination. In fact, I site this one as my favourite movie from the Toy Story series. It contains extremely powerful visuals, it’s darker and there’s also more drama. I cried a bit at the ending, but mostly at the scene where the toys are imprisoned by Lotso. I also really felt for Woody when he reminded his fellow toys about their past losses including his girlfriend Bo. I was quite saddened that she wasn’t in this one. I especially enjoy the finale in the incinerator and how deeply detailed the trash is and of course the tension. Another cool point to the movie is Sid’s cameo.

1. UP (2009)


And Thunderbirds they are go! UP is another movie that surprised me to bits. At first, I didn’t think the film would be that great; I wasn’t too keen on the idea of a comedy film including any sort of item flying with balloons or an overweight kid interacting with a senior citizen. I actually thought them elements have been done to death and felt it was too much for kids. Hence why I avoided the film on it’s release, even though the rest of my family saw it. But when we got it on DVD, I watched it and I kicked myself. UP was much more awesome than I thought. It was a great work of art! It contains an uplifting prologue which sparked tears to my eyes. Carl befriends Ellie, who is also a fan of his favourite celebrity. They get married and try for a baby, but Ellie has a miscarriage. Throughout their life, they attempt to save up for a trip to Paradise Falls to meet their idol, but are constantly forced to pay off their savings to various misfortunes, including a burst car tire. The most heartbreaking moment of the prologue is Ellie’s death. This part of the film highlights various issues adults like myself and older people can all understand and feel for. Yet of course, the rest of the film does as well. Carl somehow reminds me of Victor Meldrew from One Foot In The Grave. Both men have problems I can easily empathise with. Victor loses his job and is forced to cope with his involuntary retirement and cope with elements of the modern world which turn against him. Here in Up, Carl has lost his childhood sweetheart and all he wants to do is visit Paradise Falls, which is what Ellie would’ve wanted. At one time, he snaps at a construction worker who fiddles about with his mailbox and is ordered by the court to move to a retirement home. So he uses his balloons to fly his house away. I don’t blame him for that. As for Russell, he ain’t bad whatsoever. He’s kinda like the inner child to Carl. The animals are also fun and artistic. And of course Charles F. Muntz is a great villain.

I think I’ve said enough about the film now, but before I finish, let me just say that the fact UP was the second cartoon to receive an Academy Award nomination after Beauty & The Beast ain’t the reason why I placed it at number 1. The reason is because there’s a good reason for it.

I know there are some movies I missed out through my rankings, but here is a list of movies I still need to see or just ain’t watched all the way through;

Monsters University (2013)

Inside Out (2015)

The Good Dinosaur (2015)

Finding Dory (2016)

Cars 3 (2017)

Coco (2017)

Thank you for reading my opinion on what I believe are the worst-to-best movies produced by Pixar. If there are any filmmakers/production companies, etc, whose movies you can recommend me to rank, feel free to let me know.

The Worst-to-Best James Bond movies

Recently, I have been watching a section of James Bond movies on ITV1. God I love James Bond. Who doesn’t? I’ve enjoyed the movies ever since I was a kid. Myself and the rest of the family obtain a long history with the James Bond franchise. My mother’s read some of the novels, even recalls seeing at least one of the films in the cinema. I even have 007 Racing on PlayStation and a compilation album consisting of the theme songs on CD.

The James Bond films have led a massive impact on many filmmakers and TV producers over the years. These people include Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, who used James Bond as an inspiration for their Indiana Jones films, even casting Sean Connery in the third one. Even Gerry Anderson seems to have created James Bond-style characters, hence Lady Penelope and her FAB1 in Thunderbirds and Joe 90, about a 9 year-old spy. The films have been numerously referenced in The Simpsons and some British sitcoms. In fact, there are some comparisons between the films and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Parodies include the Austin Powers trilogy and Johnny English.

It is over fifty years since the release of the first film, Dr. No and a new movie called Spectre is due to be released later this year. This is why I am ranking all the movies I have watched which relate to James Bond himself.

  1. Die Another Day

Released: 2002

Directed by: Lee Tamahori

Bond actor: Pierce Brosnan

Composer: David Arnold

Budget: $142,000,000

Gross amount: $431,971,116


We begin the shooting with what I consider the weakest link of the franchise. Die Another Day takes that bullet. It ain’t totally dreadful, but it contains a few forgettable characters, including Zao, who just appears from nowhere and he, let’s be fair to him, is just trying to be creepy. He is one of the most boring Bond villains of all time. I give the film credit for the invisible car (it’s the invisible car, der-der, it’s the invisible car, der-der, it’s incredible how you can woooooooo see right through it) and the incredible opening scene. However, it’s not enough to hold a not-so brilliantly scripted synopsis, nor can it rid that awful theme tune. Madonna or no Madonna.

  1. Diamonds Are Forever

Released: 1971

Directed by: Guy Hamilton

Bond actor: Sean Connery

Composer: John Barry

Budget: $7,200,000

Gross amount: $116,000,000


The diamonds they are forever, saaaaahhhhh! So sang good ol’ Shirley Bassey. Diamonds Are Forever contains such a wonderful theme tune from such a wonderful British singeress. Too bad it had to be wrecked by some rapper 34 years later. As for the film, this was Sean Connery’s brief return as 007. It ain’t exactly the strongest film in the franchise. Blofeld’s return isn’t that interesting, nor is his new look, compared to his earlier films. There’s also a fairly cool scene with James fighting two women, but the film ain’t really that memorable.

  1. A View To A Kill

Released: 1985

Directed by: John Glen

Bond actor: Roger Moore

Composer: John Barry

Budget: $30,000,000

Gross amount: $152,400,000


Yet again, another slightly forgettable film in the franchise. Apart from one of the most awesome villains in James Bond history, that is May Day, threatening and fairly silent, don’t mess with her. Well nobody would dare, except Bond of course. And how about the thrilling shoot-out on the Eiffel Tower?

  1. Never Say Never Again

Released: 1983

Directed by: Irvin Kershner

Bond actor: Sean Connery

Composer: Michel Legrand

Budget: $36,000,000

Gross amount: $160,000,000


Okay, Never Say Never Again may not be considered a traditional Bond movie, considering it was not produced by Eon Productions, but so what? It’s got Sean Connery in it. He was in some of the Eon produced movies, so what more do you want? Never Say Never Again is basically the comedy in the franchise. James Bond ages in this one. No surprise considering Sean was in his fifties at the time. Plus he pays visits to a clinic after failing a training exercise. Also, Rowan Atkinson’s performance is awesome. If you don’t believe me, check out The Witches, Four Weddings & A Funeral and The Thin Blue Line and you’ll see that it pays off. Unfortunately, Never Say Never Again is a film I may need to watch again.

  1. Thunderball

Released: 1965

Directed by: Terence Young

Bond actor: Sean Connery

Composer: John Barry

Budget: $9,000,000

Gross amount: $141,200,000


Thunderball has one of my favourite theme tunes out of all the movies on this list and also my favourite song ever to be sung by Tom Jones. However I don’t remember much from this movie, apart from the speedboat battle and Blofeld’s badass appearance, except for his face of course.

19. Octopussy

Released: 1983

Directed by: John Glen

Bond actor: Roger Moore

Composer: John Barry

Budget: $27,500,000

Gross amount: $183,700,000


Octopussy, Octopussy,… 13st Bond movie to come out, the sixth one with Roger Moore in it. Also starring Maud Adams as Octopussy herself. We saw her in another Bond movie. I saw this movie twice. On the first time, I couldn’t remember much about it, apart from Bond hijacking the train. But on the second time, a bit more memorable; Bond fiddles with Q’s camera and observes a woman’s boobs. He also disguises himself as a clown in order to get rid of a bomb set to blow up a circus. Lovely.

18. For Your Eyes Only

Released: 1981

Directed by: John Glen

Bond actor: Roger Moore

Composer: Bill Conti

Budget: $28,000,000

Gross amount: $194,900,000


I’ve only seen For Your Eyes Only once. And yet, I can remember that epic opening; Bond battling Blofeld one last time (I won’t say too much more about it for those who ain’t seen it yet), Bond’s first meeting with Melina, who wants to avenge her parents, Q’s awesome gadgets (including what we could call an early example of a digital photo scanning thing), Melina’s funny parrot and speaking of funny, Margaret Thatcher’s (personally not my favourite prime minister) cameo appearance! And of course the cars. Apart from that, I can’t remember much else. This was John Glen’s first film as the director, and I ain’t talking about the astronaut.

17. Live & Let Die

Released: 1973

Directed by: Guy Hamilton

Bond actor: Roger Moore

Composer: John Barry

Budget: $7,000,000

Gross amount: $126,400,000


Gee, I could listen to Paul McCartney’s theme tune all day. Live & Let Die is memorable for Roger Moore’s introduction as the spy himself, Bond fighting against the crocodiles, JW Pepper’s introduction (speaking of which) and them tough guy villains. The film is about a drug lord in Harlem, Mr. Big, who attempts to rival out all the other drug barons out of their businesses. Man, this is a bit like an episode of The A-Team. And then, Bond finds three British agents dead, leading him to a fight with Dr. Kanager and facing a gang of gangsters and voodoo magic, just like in the awesome 2nd Indiana Jones film. Plenty of action to enjoy. You don’t see JW for long, but at least you saw more of him in the next film, find out later.

16. Moonraker

Released: 1979

Directed by: Lewis Gilbert

Bond actor: Roger Moore

Composer: John Barry

Budget: $34,000,000

Gross amount: $210,300,000


(childish singing) Jaws has a girlfriend, Jaws has a girlfriend. (ceases singing) Okay enough of that. James Bond in Space, how Moonraker is remembered. But also as I just explained through my immature rant, Jaws gets himself a brand new bird, which I suppose is cute to watch; a villain with a serious romantic feeling for Dolly after she saves him from a cable car wreckage. Jaws will forever stand out as one of the best Bond villains of all time; no dialogue until near the very end. This of course is one of the best moments in the film as are the cable car scene and the finale in the spaceship. I will also offer praise to Derek Meddings’ special effects.

15. Casino Royale

Released: 2006

Directed by: Martin Campbell

Bond actor: Daniel Craig

Composer: David Arnold

Budget: $150,000,000

Gross amount: $599,000,000


I, of course, am referring to the most recent version, which introduced Daniel Craig as the new James Bond, not the comedy version which starred David Niven and was directed by the same bloke who did Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Unfortunately, I can’t talk about Casino Royale without mentioning the scene where Bond gets stripped naked and tortured; “Now the whole world’s gonna know that you died scratching my balls”. That line really cracks me up. Nor can I not mention the opening scene which I think is pretty unique for a gun barrel sequence. Then there’s the old school casino settings, it’s Casino Royale, what do you expect? Plus, Casino Royale is the first Bond movie to not finish with a happy ending, since On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Yeah, don’t think I’m giving anything away. Casino Royale may not be as awesome as Daniel Craig’s later films, but it’s certainly an improvement compared to Die Another Day.

14. The World Is Not Enough

Released: 1999

Directed by: Michael Apted

Bond actor: Pierce Brosnan

Composer: David Arnold

Budget: $135,000,000

Gross amount: $361,832,400


If you thought Die Another Day was dull, then how about The World Is Not Enough, Pierce Brosnan’s third film as James Bond? A much more investible storyline, of course bearing in mind this was so before Die Another Day. Opening scene, great. Speedboat, exploding glasses, Millennium Dome, you name it.  Valentin Zukovsky returns, with his evil daughter Electra. He’s as charming as ever, though Electra isn’t very interesting, apart from the scene as explored in the image above. But I’ve seen a little more boring, i.e. Christmas Jones, but having said that, I think awarding her the Razzie for worst actress was a bit too harsh. And who can forget Renard who isn’t very interesting for a villain. I just ain’t a huge fan of Robert Carlyle. He’s just an okay actor. But Robbie Coltrane, or as I like to call the British John Goodman, is a lot of fun as Zukovsky, as is John Cleese (‘duh’) who portrays R. I should also mention Gladiators’ Diesel and Vulcan as the henchmen. I’ve given The World Is Not Enough credit for the storyline, but I also give credit for the gadgets and of course for Desmond Llewellyn’s final starring role as Q.

Rest in peace Desmond.

13. From Russia With Love

Released: 1963

Directed by: Terence Fisher

Bond actor: Sean Connery

Composer: John Barry

Budget: $2,000,000

Gross amount: $78,200,000


For starters, the theme tune is one of my favourite songs of all time! Good old Matt Monro. Movin’ on, From Russia With Love is basically a sequel, and by sequel, I mean continuation, following Dr. No where SPECTRE plots to avenge the death of one of their henchmen. Red Grant takes part in their scheme to kill James Bond. From Russia With Love features a memorable introduction to Inspector Gadget himself, Q. And portrayed by Desmond Llewelynn. He’s probably the only guy who survived over more than fifteen movies with the same role. And of course, there’s the introduction to Blofeld, excluding his face of course. I also love the train/helicopter related climax.

  1. Skyfall

Released: 2012

Directed by: Sam Mendes

Bond actor: Daniel Craig

Composer: Thomas Newman

Budget: $200,000,000

Gross amount: $1,108,600,000


We always knew Daniel Craig would make a difference to the franchise since Casino Royale (the recent one that is to avoid confusion). Well Skyfall is not only different to Casino Royale and Quantum Of Solace, but to James Bond movies in general. The storyline is most certainly unique as the conflict actually involves M herself; yes the actor is Judi Dench in case you wanted to know why I said ‘herself’. It was also her final role as M. As confirmed for the next film yet to be released, the new M will be Ralph Fiennes who is mainly known for his villains (Amon Goeth from Schindler’s List, Victor from that Wallace & Gromit movie, etc). Why? In case anybody ain’t seen Skyfall yet, I mustn’t say or I’ll spoil the ending, but have a look and see for yourself.

  1. Tomorrow Never Dies

Released: 1997

Directed by: Roger Spottiswoode

Bond actor: Pierce Brosnan

Composer: David Arnold

Budget: $110,000,000

Gross amount: $333,011,068


Tomorrow Never Dies contains some of the coolest gadgets the franchise has ever provided us. As far as action thrillers go, this is a movie that marks an awesome contribution to the codes and conventions. As usual we have Bond mucking about with Q’s inventions, added to that, a rather suspenseful moment where he drives his new remote-controlled BMW towards Q and manages to stop right in front of him by an inch. It’s like “wow!” The car of course proves useful during the always exciting parking lot scene; Bond of course needs not to sit in the car in order to distract his assassins. Wai-Lin is also dead sexy and the finale in the ship is a lot of fun.

  1. Goldfinger

Released: 1964

Directed by: Guy Hamilton

Bond actor: Sean Connery

Composer: John Barry

Budget: $3,000,000

Gross amount: $124,900,000


Starter from ten, some of you lot are probably going to scowl at me for placing what has long been regarded as the (pronounced ‘thee’) masterpiece of the franchise. Not to say that there’s anything bad about Goldfinger, because there ain’t. It’s actually really really good. The opening scene is always great; Bond and Jill fighting Oddjob, Bond knocked unconscious, then discovering that Jill is covered in gold and dead. It’s a very symbolic opening, as is Shirley Bassey’s forever awesome theme song. I just bet Alfred Hitchcock wished he directed Goldfinger. In fact, there is another scene which many viewers seem to enjoy and I enjoy too and that is when Goldfinger ties Bond to a gold cutting table and a laser slices through almost reaching Bond’s groin. It’s enough to make one cringe. Somehow the actor of Goldfinger, Gert Frobe, reminds me of Dustin Hoffman. I also remember seeing him as Baron Bomburst in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and you’d hardly recognise the actor. Maybe the moustache is part of it, because he doesn’t have on in Goldfinger. Plus both characters have slightly different voices.

  1. Dr. No

Released: 1962

Directed by: Terence Young

Bond actor: Sean Connery

Composer: John Barry

Budget: $1,100,000

Gross amount: $59,500,000


I just couldn’t avoid placing the very first Bond movie in the top ten. The Dr. No in question is a man who works for SPECTRE and intends to disrupt an early American launching using a radio beam weapon. He even introduces SPECTRE to Bond, not literally if you know what I mean. We didn’t need to know their faces yet, because the producers knew and we knew sequels would follow, considering how many novels Ian Fleming wrote and we were right. Not only was this film a success at the box office, but all the rest that followed were.

What else do I like about Dr. No? I mentioned the villain. I also enjoy Bond’s first appearances and the suspenseful moments. The tarantula bit, I could watch over and over again. The three blind mice song is a bit goofy, but still symbolic considering them three guys we see in the opening.

  1. The Living Daylights

Released: 1987

Directed by: John Glen

Bond actor: Timothy Dalton

Composer: John Barry

Budget: $40,000,000

Gross amount: $191,200,000


What could people possibly be wrong with Timothy Dalton’s movies? Many people consider Timothy the weakest of all Bond actors. Unfortunately I don’t hate any of them, nor do I have a favourite. But I reckon Timothy provided a unique portrayal of James Bond. After all, not all films from the franchise have to look the same. The Living Daylights contains some of the greatest gadgets since The Spy Who Loved Me. If you don’t believe me, check out the car chase scene. Shame that Aston Martin V8 Vantage (Series 2) wasn’t used in the game 007 Racing. The side laser, the snow skids and so forth. In fact, the whistle bomb cracks me up. One what-appears-to-be-harmless wolf whistle and BOOM!

Gee, I even admire Bond’s dialogue. “He got the boot!” One of the best moments in James Bond history. I just bet Arnold Schwarzenegger wishes he was given that line. I even wonder if The Living Daylights was the inspiration to True Lies. Did I mention that Tim Dalton portrays the kind of Bond who stuffs M’s orders and is like “M can fire me for all I care. I’m strong and I don’t need his authority”.

Of course, even children admire James Bond in general. Mind you, they would obviously need serious accompaniment by an adult. Anyhow, The Living Daylights is a thrilling underrated action thriller which will even appeal to fans of say Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, any action movie starring Arnie, you never know.

  1. Quantum Of Solace

Released: 2008

Directed by: Marc Forster

Bond actor: Daniel Craig

Composer: David Arnold

Budget: $200,000,000

Gross amount: $586,100,000


Many consider Casino Royale the best of all the Bond movies that star Daniel Craig. For me, Quantum Of Solace tops it. I’d probably say it’s the From Russia With Love of the Daniel era, considering that From Russia With Love is a definite sequel to Dr. No, due to SPECTRE avenging No. Well Quantum Of Solace depicts Bond avenging his girlfriend (yup, kind of spoiler from Casino Royale). But Bond ain’t the only one seeking vengeance. His new lady friend, Camille Montes, wants to avenge her family, actually also a bit like For Your Eyes Only. And in-between, we can enjoy the terrorist atmospheric action.

  1. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Released: 1969

Directed by: Peter Hunt

Bond actor: George Lazenby

Composer: John Barry

Budget: $7,000,000

Gross amount: $64,600,000


The producers, and probably at the time fans, was so unfair to poor old George Lazenby. He’s only ever had one role as James Bond, that in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. I just hope the fact that it grossed lower than You Only Live Twice was not part of the case. Any viewer who is still betrayed by the fact Sean Connery bowed out in the first place must bear in mind that even high profile actors want to move on like many people do in life. They should also give newcomers, namely at the time George, the chance to adapt to a new role. It’s actually because George encountered bad experiences with the producers, hence why On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is his only film. Experienced or inexperienced, George pulls it off. He even takes his romancing with Tracy deadly seriously. In fact, who would’ve thought Bond would literally propose to his girlfriend in one of the most bitter-sweet scenes in the film. That’s quite rare for a character like James Bond. Speaking of which, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service contains what I regard as the best ending scene ever to have occurred in a James Bond movie. Not only that, that was the scene which gave me tears to my eyes and I won’t give anything away, but this was something that wouldn’t occur again until Daniel Craig’s movies. In-between, we’re provided an amazing acting talent from Kojak himself, Telly Salavas, as Blofeld and some cool skiing and bob-sleighing sequences.

  1. You Only Live Twice

Released: 1967

Directed by: Lewis Gilbert

Bond actor: Sean Connery

Composer: John Barry

Budget: $10,300,000

Gross amount: $111,000,000


You Only Live Twice is probably the first Bond film I ever saw. Now where to begin… I know; the scene which really turns me on; when Blofeld reprimands Osato and Helga for failing to kill Bond. “This organisation does not tolerate failure,” he makes clear and then sends Helga plunging to her death in a pool of piranhas. This scene always gives me a giant grin. Seeing this as a kid, I thought; “should I be watching this?” Now I really love it.

I have also been long impressed with the opening sequence which is quite dark; an unidentified spacecraft captures an American ship snapping a cord from an astronaut still dangling out. Added to that, Bond, who is romancing with some woman in Hong Kong is gunned down and presumed dead. But after the opening credits, we are relieved when we discovered he has another life. And did I mention that after a few faceless appearances, Blofeld finally comes across Bond and this is the first time we see him as a whole?

Many consider From Russia With Love or Goldfinger as the best Bond movie that stars Sean Connery. Personally, I vote You Only Live Twice. One other thing, did I mention Nancy’s Sinatra lovely theme song? Shame Robbie Williams had to ruin it 31 years later.

  1. Licence To Kill

Released: 1989

Directed by: John Glen

Bond actor: Timothy Dalton

Composer: Michael Kamen

Budget: $32,000,000

Gross amount: $156,100,000


Licence To Kill is a film most James Bond fans seem to dislike the most. For that, I cannot understand why. Is it to do with the fact that the film is the least child-friendly and that it’s the only film with a 15 certificate? That is sooo inexcusable. Licence To Kill is a very unique James Bond film. It is in fact unlike most of the other films a revenge flick, which highlights Bond’s personality much deeply. Bond is seeking vengeance on a drug baron who has injured his best mate, Felix, and murdered Felix’s new wife. And speaking of violence and women, have you noticed in the opening scene the way Sanchez beats up a woman (extremely powerful scene)? Following Felix’s casualty, Bond begins his own investigation, but after refusing an assignment in Istanbul, M removes the licence to kill from Bond, thus Bond is like ‘then I’ll have to do this myself’. However, he teams up with Pam Bouvier and Q, who of course is a loyal friend to Bond.

Speaking of Q, I totally love the scene where he and Bond meet each other in the hotel room; “Pam, this is Q, my uncle. Uncle, this is Miss Kennedy, my cousin,” says Bond. “Ah we must be related,” replies Q. And after a brief showing of Q’s latest gadgets, “I hope you don’t snore, Q”. Why do people say Licence To Kill lacks humour. This scene is hilarious enough to make me laugh.

Licence To Kill contains some of the most powerful scenes I’ve ever encountered in a James Bond film. One of my favourites is when Bond pushes Killifer in a shark’s tank with a briefcase full of money; “You want it, you keep it old buddy!” great line! The finale involving the cocaine and gas trucks is so fun to watch, as is the lovely ending. Who says Tim Dalton was so bad? He was so involved in the productions, even achieving his own stunts. Licence To Kill is definitely one to check out.

  1. The Spy Who Loved Me

Released: 1977

Directed by: Lewis Gilbert

Bond actor: Roger Moore

Composer: Martin Hamlisch

Budget: $14,000,000

Gross amount: $185,400,000


The Spy Who Loved Me is one of the films my mom saw in her teenage years. She also loves the title song and I have to agree. The song is great, but the opening titles are visually stunning and contrast well with the music. As for the other bits, the opening scene, brilliant. Villains, great, especially Jaws; Needs he no dialogue for his part. All he needs is his strength and steel made teeth. Seriously though, Jaws marks a valid contribution to the film. If you don’t believe me, take a look at the glorious yet hilarious finale where Bond magnetises Jaws.

I should also mention the famous Lotus Esprit. This car is as magical as Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. In fact, our introduction to the car is provided by Q (duh!), but the lecture is only very brief as Bond drives off leaving him behind in the middle of nowhere. Then we get a fantastic car chase followed by the Esprit’s dive in the sea and transforming into a submarine. Gee, is there anything Ian Fleming or Albert R Broccoli or whoever came with the idea can’t do?

The Spy Who Loved Me is overall a pleasant experience which you will never get bored of.

  1. GoldenEye

Released: 1995

Directed by: Martin Campbell

Bond actor: Pierce Brosnan

Composer: Eric Serra

Budget: $58,000,000

Gross amount: $352,194,034


I’d be a right slug-head if I didn’t give GoldenEye a position in the Top 10 or even a number 2 spot, where it is now. GoldenEye, the Beauty & The Beast of James Bond (not that it got nominated for a Best Picture Oscar, hardly any of the movies did), was not only a perfect introduction to the then new actor Pierce Brosnan, but it’s actually his best one. There are so many badass plot elements, stunts, props and awesome bits of dialogue which highlight GoldenEye. First of all, each time I see Bond attaching a rope to the dam and jumping off, my epidermis shows.

Man, even the villains are as cool as hell. Xenia is my favourite of them all. She’s the one who enjoys a good squeeze and somehow reminds me of Lara Croft. She’s feisty and energetic, yet almost impossible to defeat. Boris makes me laugh with his catchphrase, “I am invincible”. I have a bit of empathy for Alec, aka 006. Yes he’s nasty and betrays Bond, but I can understand his bitterness. His motive is to avenge the death of his parents after they were betrayed by the British government during the aftermath of WW2, and so secretly attempts to lure Bond in a trap during the opening scene and pretends to die. As for the Russian Colonel, he is so great. After 006’s apparent death, he attempts to kill Bond, but Bond shields himself with a trolley of gas barrels, so orders his soldiers to hold their fire. One soldier disobeys and the Col shoots him as a result, for disobedience and to shut him up. That was the impression I got. That bit is so hilarious, but also rather dark. I mean GoldenEye is more light-hearted than Licence To Kill, but it just goes to show how dangerous it can be to live/work in a nation run by dictatorship.

In-between, we get the usual epic transport chases, the forever amusing gadget introductions from Q; this Q scene in particular being one of my favourites; “don’t touch that! It’s my lunch”, leading to a thrilling showdown between 00s 7 & 6. This is what GoldenEye is all about.

In fact, GoldenEye is a favourite Bond movie, starring Pierce, of most people. The only nitpick they seem to have is the soundtrack. But I don’t think it’s that bad. In fact, I’m surprised Tina Turner’s theme song didn’t even get an Oscar nomination. Still, the film was so popular that even a video game of the film was released and that was also a blockbuster. I’ve only managed to play a bit of it though, but that was because I never owned a Nintendo 64.

  1. The Man With The Golden Gun

Released: 1974

Directed by: Guy Hamilton

Bond actor: Roger Moore

Composer: John Barry

Budget: $7,000,000

Gross amount: $98,500,000


And Thunderbirds they are go! Some of you may not agree with this choice, but in my opinion, The Man With The Golden Gun is the film I would award a gold medal in the James Bond Olympics. Suspenseful opening scene – check. Awesome villains – check. Fantastic gadgets, including a gun made out of a cigarette case and lighter, cuff link and fountain pen all made of gold – check. Beautiful women – check. Hilarious scenes, i.e. any part including JW Pepper – check. Upbeat music – check. Epic car chase – you guessed it, check. Well choreographed fight scenes – double check.

Before I move on, I forgot to point out when I ranked GoldenEye that M at one point refers to Bond as a ‘sexist, sexist, misogynist dinosaur. A relic of the Cold War, whose boyish charms, though wasted on me, obviously appealed to that young woman I sent out to evaluate you’. There is one scene in The Man With The Golden Gun where Bond flees a karate dojo, comes across two twin schoolgirls and faces the karate students. He tells the girls ‘stand back, girls’, which relates to his casual sexism, but the girls teach him a lesson by proving useful and helping him out with the fight. It’s hilarious, but it does have an anti-sexist and anti-ageist message.

And speaking of politics, The Man With The Golden Gun does concern the energy crisis that was occurring around the time of the film’s release. I, of course, wasn’t yet born then, but the film does provide the idea of how people suffered from the events. Francisco Scaramanga, who I have to say is my favourite Bond villain, is responsible for the stolen solar energy which he uses to create powerful gadgets and weapons and charges a large sum of money for each kill he commits. Like 006 in GoldenEye, we get to know Scaramanga’s back-story including how he spent his early childhood in a circus and experienced low wages and high level of work with the KGB forcing him to be an independent assassin, hence how this leads to burglary in regards to money and solar energy, thus putting the world in economic danger.

The Man With The Golden Gun is an extremely underrated film, which never gets tiring. Plenty of action, getting to know characters, politics, humour, etc. This is what James Bond is all about.

So this is my personal ranking of all the James Bond movies I have watched in my life. I still have yet to see Casino Royale, the one directed by Ken ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’ Hughes and starring David ‘Pink Panther’ Niven that is. But when I do see it, I’ll rank it.

Now which position do you suppose Spectre will be placed?

The Worst-to-Best live-action Movies produced by Walt Disney Pictures

for future utube clip

Since I have reviewed Disney’s animated movies (apart from the Pixar ones, I still have yet to do them), I’m going to review the live-action ones;

32. James and the Giant Peach (1996)


One film has to be the worst. In this case, it’s James & The Giant Peach. I remember seeing this movie when it came out and I have no memory of enjoying it back then. The second time; I had forgotten about it and then it all came back to me, but then I began to question the rhino bits. The third time; dreadful!

I mean dreadful! The parent eating rhino who appears from nowhere literally makes no sense whatsoever. The dialogue sucks and Randy Newman’s songs are just as yucky as them songs out of that Winnie The Pooh film. Even transferring James to a stop-motion model is pointless.

Paul Terry was so much better as Joe Parker in Microsoap, Joanna Lumley was better as Patsy Stone in Absolutely Fabulous and as Mrs. Everglot in Corpse Bride and Miriam Margoyles was better as, er, the voice of Fly in Babe. Richard Dreyfus, Susan Sarandon and David Thewlis also had better roles and Roald Dahl wrote better stories. I don’t care what other people think, James and The Giant Peach is not only my least favourite Disney film, but also the worst adaptation to one of Dahl’s novels.

31. Return to Oz (1985)


I remember seeing this film once, but unfortunately, I don’t remember much detail about it. Exactly, it’s forgettable compared to the awesome 1939 film.

30. The Santa Clause (1994)


This is the film we once saw at elementary school. It was nearing to Christmas at the time, so I guess it made sense to show a Christmas-related feature. But looking back to The Santa Clause now, it ain’t the best one. Seriously, there are some badly acted one-liners, it attempts to go for the cutesy style for the sake of looking cutesy. Did I mention the special effects; they so need improving!

29. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)


As I once said when I reviewed one of Tim Burton’s movies; just because a film’s a gigantic blockbuster, doesn’t mean it’s that good. Titanic and Pearl Harbor both sucked. The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrode certainly can’t compare much to Jurassic Park, or Jaws, or Lord Of The Rings. It’s just boring. Scenes drag and nothing truly exciting happens in that film adaptation to the ‘famous book’.

28. Alice in Wonderland (2010)


And speaking of blockbusters and Tim Burton (bearing in mind, I did not say that he directed Narnia, because he didn’t), here is another plop-buster that I really want to strangle. I have already reviewed this film, so if you want to see details, please check this link (

27. Inspector Gadget (1999)


I probably liked this film as a kid, but now, I think it’s a pretty lacklustre remake to the cartoon, which I also enjoyed as a kid. Kids, if you want to familiarize yourself with Inspector Gadget, stick with the cartoon. It’s better than some live-action remake with horrid sound effects that were made for the sake of making the film obnoxious. The same goes for Garfield and Scooby Doo and probably Alvin and The Chipmunks, Yogi Bear and The Smurfs; I never saw them three and I don’t intend to. The Flintstones, fine, but just avoid the sequel by all means.

26. Muppets From Space (1999)


So what if a Muppet related movie is on a list of live-action movies? It’s still got actors on-screen. No other comment.

Okay, out of every film I’ve seen from the Muppets franchise, Muppets From Space is kind of the least memorable. I saw it once and can only remember certain parts i.e. the opening which is just plain strange. I do give it credit that it tried something new. For instance, it is the only non-musical film of the franchise. Apparently it was also Frank Oz’s final film role with the Muppets. But I feel there’s something I’m missing.

25. Jungle 2 Jungle (1997)


Jungle 2 Jungle is a fine film to enjoy once in a while. It has it’s moments and a strong father-son bond and deals with parent separation, which is the result of the son feeling so used to the wild. Basically it’s a sort-of remake to Crocodile Dundee, not as strong, but still a pleasant viewing.

24. Muppet Treasure Island (1996)


Geez, how many versions of Treasure Island have I seen? Let’s see, there was the amazing animated sci-fi version retitled Treasure Planet. There was that dreadful one by Filmation. Muppet Treasure Island is no exception. It’s a bit more memorable than From Space. The antics and parodies are always fun to watch, but it’s ages since I last saw this one.

23. The Kid (2000)


Did we ever imagine an adult-action-and-psychological-movie actor like Bruce Willis starring in a Disney movie? I don’t think we ever did until we saw The Kid, also known ironically as Disney’s The Kid. I find the screenplay really interesting; The Kid is basically a viewing of one’s own inner child. Russ, that’s Bruce Willis, meets Rusty, the kid in question, who is the kid Russ was. Get it? While the bond between the two is relatable, Rusty is rather annoying at times with his constant whining and his over-repeated one-liners and it’s like; “kid, shut up!”. But I think The Kid is worth a view.

22. George of the Jungle (1997)


I used to watch George Of The Jungle a lot as an elementary school student and yet back then, I had very little idea it was based on a TV programme. The nostalgia still remains and I really think the lead part suited then-newcomer Brendan Fraser. He certainly was ready for the action! But there are certain things that almost bring this movie down to earth; first of all, I really think the producers should’ve ditched the fat-beaked narrator. Plus the woman who plays Ursula overacted. But I like how George attempts to familiarize himself with human civilization and I especially love his interaction with the animal residents, especially when he fights that lion.

21. Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971)


Bedknobs and Broomsticks is a bit like Mary Poppins, except a little different. I mean it’s the same director, Robert Stevenson (no, not the guy whose son built the famous Rocket locomotive!), and song-writing gods namely the Sherman Brothers, and some of the cast; David Tomlinson, Reginald Owen (as Sir Brian Teagler), you name it. There’s still the live-action/animation mix. And of course, there is a similar-ish storyline; only it’s about a group of kids who are evacuated due to the butt-kicking second world war and they meet, not a nanny, but in fact a witch named Ms Price. Wait a minute, isn’t Mary Poppins also a witch? In fact, Price is also a mature college student whose principal Professor Browne is a con artist. Browne joins the crew in search of a missing spell book that should eventually battle against the Nazi’s in one of Disney’s most awesome showdowns ever! The songs ain’t as memorable as the ones in Mary Poppins, but they most certainly beat the ones in (sighs) that awful Winnie The Pooh movie(!). Bedknobs & Broomsticks is a pleasant experience.

20. Song of the South (1946)


Warning! This part of the review contains language which may be unsuitable for younger and sensitive readers. Unless you’re used to that stuff, I’d advise you to skip this part and move to the next film. You have been warned.

Okay here we go; Song Of The South. Whenever I think of Song Of The South, I can’t help but think of the racial prejudice the film has faced from certain r****ds, excuse my language, for long enough. This is the film that has probably been labelled the most racist Disney film in history. Most people automatically assume it’s racist, just because a black guy happens to be the lead character. Oh for god’s sake! Family Guy wasn’t called racist, just because Cleveland’s black, was it? Is the word ‘n****r’ mentioned in the film? No! Is Remus (that’s the black guy) rejected permanently? No! Is he called any offensive names? No!

Guys, you’ve got to be more mature about this. I don’t think you even know what the word racist means. Anyway, Remus is a former slave. It doesn’t mean he still is. The only thing racist about the film is Johnny’s dumb mother. She rejects the friendship between Johnny and Remus for no good reason. She’s totally a racist b**ch (sor-ry!)! But she does learn her lesson.

19. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (2007)


The third film in the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise, At World’s End may not be as memorable as the first one. But if you like action, there’s plenty of that involved. I saw this film once when I was coming home from a field trip to Saltzburg; ya know, where they filmed the Sound Of Music. Er…, er…, what was I gonna say? At World’s End,… er…, oh screw it. Next film!

18. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)


Pirates Of The Caribbean, as we was just talking about right now. Yes, Curse Of The Black Pearl is the first one. Johnny ‘Edward Scissorhands/Ed Wood/ Victor from Corpse Bride’ Depp is the leader of the pirates. Keira Knightly, who you may remember from that episode of The Bill (she was only so young back then), is the woman who needs rescuing. Good amount of action and lovely atmosphere. Anybody could enjoy this.

That’s all I can say right now.

17. 101 Dalmatians (1996)


There was three Disney movies I saw at the cinema when I was six; The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, that was and always will be awesome, James & The Giant Peach, the total opposite, but I’ve already yacked on about it, so moving on. What was the third? The live-action version of 101 Dalmatians of course.  I would place this film in the middle. At the moment, I don’t have a particular preference between that or the cartoon. Cruella DeVille remains a badass villain, cartoon or live-action. Yeah, you still have the same characters, but this version is a little different. Roger was originally a musician, but in this film, he’s a video game designer. Swell. I wonder if Sega would hire him. The dogs don’t talk in this one, but who cares? Tom & Jerry never had much dialogue and they still should be hailed messiahs.

The film’s a little clichéd and some lines are ridiculous, but it’s guilty pleasure (dunno how to reword this). I could laugh at Hugh Laurie & Mark Williams all the way through.

16. Flubber (1997)


Another film with a bit of not-so-brilliant slapstick, Flubber demonstrates another part of guilty pleasure. I first saw this film at elementary school at age 8, so there’s a sense of nostalgia. Wilson could’ve been a more interesting villain rather than some guy who’s like; “this is Wilson, planning to steal your bird” etc. The fight scenes look like the director has tried too hard to choreograph them; I would need to show a clip to show you what I mean, but I can’t find one right now.

What do I like about this movie?; the special effects used to make Flubber itself are fine. I can easily snigger along to the scenes with the frightened little kid. And of course Robin Williams, who ought to be named the king of, or rather, the emperor of American comedy, strikes a cool difference to this film. If there’s a choice between Flubber and Happy Feet, Flubber is the answer. I have yet to see the original version.

Oh Robin. I still can’t believe you ain’t around no more.

15. Herbie Rides Again (1974)

Herbie Rides Again

Again? Has Herbie rode already? Well, we’ll get there later. Herbie Rides Again is the 2nd film in the whole franchise about a car with a mind of it’s own. No, I ain’t talking about Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, I’m talking about Herbie. I’ve only seen this film once. I don’t remember it as much as another couple of movies, but if I was to re-watch it, things are certainly likely to drive back to me. The zaniness, the subtlety, the car’s persona; it kinda reminds me of Gromit. Ya know, reactions without having to say a word. After all, a car doesn’t need dialogue, does it now.

14. Condorman (1981)


This is what I like to call the Plan 9 From Outer Space of Walt Disney Pictures; that is Condorman. I call it that, because clearly it ain’t brilliant and reviewers gave the films thumbs down. Was they right? Well, yeah but, I don’t know, I think there’s some creativity to Condorman. The dialogue may be corny, but Michael Crawford, being a badass actor, does his very best. I should know, I’ve seen him in Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em. I’ve also seen him in that lousy live-action version of Alice In Wonderland (no, not the one that Tim Burton directed!), but how can that possibly compare to good old Condorman? Pro-point number 2; costumes and that car, cool and colourful designs. Pro-point number 3; the synopsis certainly sparks a sense of originality. You see, the Condorman in question is a comic book designer who performs his own stunts in order to come up with ideas for his next strips. I guess Mike’s portrayal of Frank Spencer really paid off and I bet the creators of Batman are turning in their graves. Pro-point number 4; the music! What more do I need to say? It’s Henry Mancini. His music is and always has been neat, sweet and petite!

13. The Muppets (2011)


Jim Henson’s legendary creations return on the big screen after over a decade’s absence, though they did make a cool TV festive movie in-between. They bring you The Muppets. And yes, that’s what the film is all about, the Muppets returning in business. And to do that, they hold a live fundraiser. Not only will long time fans enjoy this movie, but there’s also plenty for the newer generation. The reason why I place this lower on the list is because I remember watching this and missing a chunk out in the middle. I did manage to catch up with it though and it got me invested.

12. Snow Dogs (2002)


Here is another movie many people hate, but personally I love. Snow Dogs! Okay, what’s the story?; a dentist learns from his adoptive mom that he is to inherit seven Siberian Huskies and a Border Collie. As he travels to Alaska, he experiences trouble with blizzards thin ice, a grizzly bear and, of course, Demon, one of the huskies who happens to be inconvenienced. I have to admit, I always get a laugh each time I see Demon attempting to kill Ted. Even the dangerous stuff is fantastic, and the music helps so much.

11. Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo (1977)

MonteCarlo (248)

Herbie rides once again in the third installment to the Herbie series. Out of all the Herbie films that have followed the first one, I consider Herbie Goes To Monte Carlo the best prequel. Yeah, yeah, spoiler, but I still have yet to see Herbie Goes Bananas and Herbie: Fully Loaded. I think this one contains an adorable synopsis; Herbie falls in love with another racing car. Aww, ain’t that cute. Normally I don’t care for cutesiness much, but at least the film don’t go overboard with it. And yet, this is Herbie doing what he does best.

10. Prince Of Persia: Sands Of Time (2010)


Mike Newell, director of the boring Mona Lisa Smile and fourth Harry Potter film and the okay Four Weddings And A Funeral, improves his career with the more exciting film version of the game franchise, Prince Of Persia. I’ve never played Sands Of Time, but I know what an impact the prince had on many people and I have to admit video game movies are always fun to watch, yet a similar impact superhero movies seem to have on movie-goers. Prince Of Persia: Sands Of Time contains some fantastic imagery and fight sequences, stuff that never gets boring.

9. Cool Runnings (1993)

Cool Runnings

Cool Runnings is based on a true story about a group of Jamaican sports-guys who form the first Jamaican bobsleigh team to compete for the 1988 Olympics. The forever great John Candy marks a splendid performance as Irv Blitzer, who mentors Derice, Sanka, Junior and Yul. Being that Cool Runnings is a sports movie, we get some incredibly cool racing sequences. But by far my favourite scene is where Junior receives a visit from his dad some time before the big race, who being such a big authority figure is planning to take him home; Junior then stands up to him stating that he’s moved on, is now a mature Olympian and has an important race to compete for. In my opinion, a very inspiring scene.

8. The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)


The Muppet Christmas Carol is by far my favourite movie from the Muppet franchise. I also call this my favourite version of Charles Dickens’. It does go by the book, but there’s plenty of room for the Muppets’ various antics and breaking-the-fourth-wall elements, in particular when Gonzo contributes to the story with his narrations and his sidekick Rizzo just being himself. And of course we have some great songs. It’s a pleasure to watch during the Christmas period, so much better than The Santa Clause!

7. Old Yeller (1957)


Many fat-gobbed people who remember Old Yeller as kids always ruin the ending for those who ain’t seen the movie yet. Not to worry. I won’t. I’m wise, innit. Old Yeller is one of the most powerful dramas ever to be produced by Disney. It’s also directed by Robert Stevenson, the same bloke who directed Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Herbie Rides Again and a couple more films which I have yet to mention. The film depicts a stray dog (that’s Old Yeller) who is eventually claimed ownership by the Coates family. Travis, at first does not trust him, considering his meat stealing habit, but soon begins to adore him after a bear almost kills the family. Soon however, the dog becomes fierce and dangerous causing problems for the family. Old Yeller is a lot different to other Disney movies. Like I say, I won’t give the ending away, but the producers do not sugar-coat it. Old Yeller is definitely one that’s worth checking out.

6. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989)


Directed by Joe Johnson and produced by Steven Spielberg, Honey I Shrunk The Kids is a pure sci-fi and comedy masterpiece. A struggling inventor named Wayne invents this shrinking device which shrinks his kids down to only quarter of an inch tall. The same happens to two of their next-door neighbours. They end up on the front yard thus beginning an epic adventure back to their house. The set design and props are amazing! They’re also literally to scale; giant ants, giant bees, you name it. The lawn is built like a jungle and even the rain drops are enlarged to make it look as if the rain is attempting to destroy the children. The scene where Wayne searches for the kids while attempting not to touch the lawn demonstrates caution, but is also hilarious! The cinematography is also terrific – there’s a point-of-view shot from the bee at one point. There’s so much to enjoy from Honey I Shrunk The Kids I just can’t complete the list!

5. TRON (1982)


Tron is a freshly visual experience about a computer programmer (Kevin Flynn), whose ideas for video games, were stolen and plagiarized by another engineer (Ed Dillinger) he works with. Kevin threatens to sue Ed, but is stopped each time by an artificial intelligence, MCP, created by Ed. Kevin decides to deal with it himself; his hacking abilities soon lead to a climatic and epic game he ends up in. There is simply nothing bad I can say about this film whatsoever. Either that or the smooth visual effects in Tron are irresistible. It’s like playing a Commodore 64 game, only with developed 3D graphics. It’s also like attending one of them cinemas similar to the Motion Master. You feel like you’re really there. Forget the need for 3D glasses and take a relaxing view of Tron.

4. The Love Bug (1968)


Another one of Robert Stevenson’s works. And speaking of Herbie, The Love Bug is the first film in the franchise. Mirror, mirror on the wall, which Herbie film is the fairest of them all? Answer; The Love Bug, which is also the most memorable of them all. We are introduced to Herbie, the car with a mind of its own, who needs no expressions and no dialogue to express feelings and emotions. Just actions, even controlling his own steering wheel and throwing people out of him. Almost like Gromit. I even remember the bit where Herbie attempts to throw himself off a bridge, because he feels rejected after Jim plans to sell him to Thorndyke in order to solve the financial issues, and the drivers struggle to stop him. That scene may be fairly witty, but it’s still so dark. And in-between, Herbies proves himself dedicated to the various races he takes part in. David Tomlinson is fantastic as the villainous glutton Thorndyke. He’s fairly relaxed for a villain as well. It’s not like “Haw-haw-haw”, because it doesn’t have to be. The Love Bug is witty, fast-paced, and musical, not that there’s songs in it. Does there have to be?

3. Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993)


If you didn’t enjoy The Santa Clause or James And The Giant Peach much, surely there’s another live-action Disney movie from the 90s right? Darn right! Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey is a powerful and emotional animal related drama about two dogs and a cat searching for their home after they worry their owners have abandoned them. Along the way, they cross a dangerous river, dodge a grizzly bear and mountain lion and look after a lost girl; this was a scene which shattered me almost to death. In fact, out of all the films I have listed in this blog, Homeward Bound is the one I cried at the most, even if one of the scenes was a happy one, which I can’t give too much detail about. The themes are awesome; Shadow’s old age and Chance’s youth signal an important theme and demonstrate importance throughout this movie. The dialogue is fairly witty. In fact, there are also a few comedic moments to have a good laugh at. There’s plenty of adventure – did I mention Sassy managing to dodge a speeding train? My god, that scene made me cringe. Homeward Bound is an extremely underrated flick which I would seriously recommend. Hell, I also want my kids to grow up with this one.

2. Mary Poppins (1964)


Some of you was probably guessing that I was going to rank Mary Poppins near the top. Well, you guessed affirmatively. Now before you say anything, my pleasure for this movie simply has nothing to do with the fact that it was nominated for the most Oscars and won the most Oscars out of every Disney movie that has ever been broadcast. Having said that, I love Julie Andrews. She most soitenly deserved that Academy Award for Best Actress. She’s incredible! Don’t get me wrong. I like My Fair Lady too, but that’s number two for me. I would’ve preferred Mary Poppins to win Best Picture. Oh well. And another thing, PL Travers, the original author, can’t always be right. She once insulted the glorious songs that was included; Sister Suffragette, Life I Lead, Feed The Birds, Fidelity Fiducialy Bank, Let’s Go Fly A Kite – which is my favourite one, etc, all badasssss songs, written by a badasssss songwriting pair! It’s the same two guys who wrote songs for The Sword In The Stone, The Jungle Book, The Aristocats, Bedknobs & Broomsticks and so forth. If only Robert was still with us (sniffs). Them songs will remain with us forever and I’ll never get tired of ’em. Mary Poppins is also perfectly casted; there’s David Tomlinson as the conservative banker George Banks, Hermione Badderly as the maid and of course Dick Van Dyke who plays two parts; Bert, Mary’s best friend, and George’s 137-year old villainous boss Mr Dawes Sr. Many people whine on about Dick’s attempted accent. Am I the only guy who doesn’t think it’s that bad? Moving on, Mary Poppins also contains a set of liberal messages and values, mainly liberal. It’s anti-poverty, it supports charity, hence Feed The Birds, Sister Suffragette attacks the unfair treaty against women which occurred around that time, even the chimney sweeps briefly join her protest during the Step In Time sequence. I can’t name one person who ain’t never even not even seen Mary Poppins in their life. Folks if you ain’t watched this movie in your life, do it before it’s too late. C’mon, do it.

1. 20000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954)


And we have ignition! Some of you readers may not have expected a film-adaptation of a classic Jules Verne novel to hit number one. 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea is a neat, pleasant experience for all ages to enjoy a viewing of. It’s the sort of film that treats children like adults, it’s kinda an adult film and I don’t mean to say that there’s swearing or nudity included. But the dialogue is quite grown up and most of the characters are adults. Even some of the themes are mature; for instance, Captain Nemo is sick of humanity, hence the reason why he takes residence in a submarine. To make matters worse for him, ships are disturbing his atmosphere, therefore making him the prime suspect of being the ‘monster who attacks ships’, which is the mystery Ned Land and co intend to solve. Guys, if Gerry Anderson got away with including mature themes in Stingray, Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet and so forth, surely Disney could do the same with 20,000 Leagues. Kids, if this ain’t enough for ya, how about that epic fight with the giant squid? There’s also a cool musical number, sung by Kirk Douglas himself! Speaking of which, did you know he’s 97, going on to 98? Long live Kirk Douglas! James Mason is also awesome as the Captain and a very unique Disney villain. I mean, he’s more misguided than evil. He doesn’t detest the crew he captures and he insists on showing them around his vehicle and the ocean. And in-between, we receive an exciting adventure through the Pacific Ocean. 20,000 Leagues is an underrated, thrilling, colorful, mature, awesome, badass, terrific, creative and unique yarn which I urge any fan of Disney or general movie fan to try out. Trust me;

All you want to do is see it, big girl, big girl

All you want to do is see it, big girl, big girl

All you want to do is see it, big girl, big girl

big girl, big girl, big girl, big girl, big girl!


The Reluctant Dragon (1941)

Treasure Island (1950)

Davy Crockett, King Of The Wild Frontier (1955)

The Great Locamotive Chase (1956)

Davy Crockett & The Pirates (1956)

Darby O’Gill & The Little People (1959)

Swiss Family Robinson (1960)

The Absent-Minder Professor (1961)

The Parent Trap (both versions)

Babes In Toyland (1961)

Son Of Flubber (1963)

The Incredible Journey (1963)

That Darn Cat! (1965)

L.T. Robin Crusoe U.S.N (1966)

The Gnome Mobile (1967)

The Happiest Millionaire (1967)

Never A Dull Moment (1968)

The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes (1969)

The Million Dollar Duck (1971)

Escape To Witch Mountain (1975)

One Of Our Dinosaurs Is Missing (1975)

Freaky Friday (1976)

Pete’s Dragon (1977)

Return From Witch Mountain (1978)

The Black Hole (1979)

Midnight Madness (1980)

Herbie Goes Bananas (1980)

Popeye (1980)

Flight Of The Navigator (1986)

The Rocketeer (1991)

Newsies (1992)

Honey I Blew Up The Kid (1992)

The Mighty Ducks (1992)

Hocus Pocus (1993)

The Three Musketeers (1993)

Homeward Bound 2: Lost In San Francisco (1996)

102 Dalmatians (2000)

The Princess Diaries (2001)

The Santa Clause 2 (2002)

Holes (2003)

Freaky Friday (2003)

Around The World In 80 Days (2004)

The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (2004)

National Treasure (2004)

Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005)

Sky High (2005)

Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006)

The Santa Clause 3: Escape Clause (2006)

Enchanted (2007)

National Treasure: Book Of Secrets (2007)

The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2008)

High School Musical 3 (2008)

Race To Witch Mountain (2009)

G-Force (2009)

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2010)

Tron: Legacy (2010)

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

Saving Mr. Banks (2013)

Muppets Most Wanted (2014)

Maleficent (2014)

Yes it’s a long list and I’m sure I’ll probably never get round to watching all of ’em, but until I’ve seen any of them, they will remain unranked.

The Worst-to-Best Movies directed by Danny Boyle

Since I reviewed the works of many American directors and production companies, I decided for a change to review a British director. Another reason being is that I too am British. Now I’ve looked through as many British directors as I could. I thought to myself; “Alfred Hitchcock and Ridley Scott are both British, but some of their films are American” and I wanted to analyse somebody whose film CV was mostly British. So I have decided to analyse what I consider the worst and the best features directed by Danny Boyle;

6. Millions


I saw Millions during a college lecture. A couple of my friends hated it. Personally I don’t, but I don’t really blame them. Millions ain’t terrible, but it certainly ain’t Danny Boyle’s strongest movie. I understand Damian’s desire to give the money to the poor and his belief that the money was sent by God. Yeah, sent by God, imagine that. I also understand his brother and father’s desperation to get rid of the cash in case of fugitivity. But it drags at times. This is a film only for those who understand religion. I ain’t among that audience. I’m totally dumb on the subject. And the dialogue so needs tweaking. Seriously, if Danny aimed this for families, why is the “f” word included?

5. Shallow Grave


Somehow, I think one of my lecturers from that film-making college course really admires Danny Boyle (that’s a compliment by the way). Shallow Grave is another film we saw during a lecture. Script, fine. Story, fine. But I’ve seen this film twice and I don’t remember much about it. The characters aren’t really as memorable as, say, Spud or Renton or even that guy who got his arm trapped in a revine – mind you, he’s a factual guy, but that’s beside the point. I think Danny Boyle improved better for his next movies.

4. Slumdog Millionaire


Some of you may hate me for positioning the Academy Award-winning Slumdog Millionaire so low on this list. I admire the film for the liberal message it gets across and the story of a young lad who’s finances are low and who ends up on the Indian version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. The working class, i.e. myself, can relate to that, because we often wish for something that can pay us through life easily (I dunno how else to put it) and its every kid’s dream to be wealthy. The problem with the film is… (audience boos), here me out. I realise some of the film is foreign and English subtitles are provided to help us understand, but the subtitles are way too small to read and there’s too much yellow lighting included simultaneously, which increases the reading difficulty. From a media observer’s point-of-view, it’s not a great experience for those who are color-blind.

Personally, I ain’t keen on the music either and didn’t feel it fitted in with the mood, but each to their own. I couldn’t really care if the lead actor was also in some popular British teen programme, because I don’t watch Skins. Still I’m glad I watched the film when I had the chance. Definitely give Slumdog Millionaire at least one viewing.

3. 28 Days Later



(sighs) Yes, 28 Days Later is a zombie film. Zombie films have been made to death and there ain’t much difference between them, except Shaun Of The Dead of course; anyway, it’s a spoof of the genre, so we can let that off.

Actually, 28 Days Later is also an original example. If you don’t believe me, observe how the zombies are… edited. Are they CGIed? I’ll never know, but the graphics are outstanding. The zombies are more like werewolves. Even the location of trashed London is distinguishable. There was a sequel labeled 28 Weeks Later, but it ain’t as memorable as this one.

2. 127 Hours


Some of you may have heard about a guy who had his arm trapped in the Blue John Canyon and was trapped for nearly a week. 127 Hours is his story. This is easily Danny Boyle’s best of his most recent material. It demonstrates all the attempts Aron made to free his arm before he had to make the ultimate sacrifice. But there is one film that really, really, really made Danny’s career…

1. Trainspotting


B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name, o! Trainspotting, in my opinion, is the one and only! I ain’t kidding man. It’s everything you want to observe about Danny Boyle. It is like an introduction to the films he would direct later on. Well, technically, Shallow Grave was his first one, but Trainspotting is an improvement. It explores a wide variety of social issues, such as child neglect and drug addiction. There are totally unforgettable scenes included, like when Renton loses his constipation, uses a filthy lavatory and climbs into it after losing a couple of pills that fell out of his butt. There’s quite a foul scene where Spud passes out unaware that he has used the bed as a lavatory. Also, there’s a really dark scene where Renton suffers a nightmare; a baby he neglected comes back to haunt him! Spooky!

So that’s all the films I have seen that Danny Boyle directed. He chose life, he chose a job (film-making that is), he chose films, he chose synopsises, he chose his target audiences, he chose props, he chose a … big career, receiving an Oscar, and other awards. He chose, … various other things.